Top Ten Dumbest Laws

The country has established laws to create a structured and successful country. Laws protect all citizens and deliver necessary consequences to those who break them. There are, however, an abundant amount of laws that are just downright ridiculous. Whether they’re Republicans, Democrats, or the Tea Party, many government officials have passed numerous laughable and nonsensical laws in our country.  This list delivers just ten of the countless absurd laws created by our wonderful government.

1. Can’t ride a bicycle in a swimming pool: In California the city of Baldwin Park found it necessary to outlaw riding a bike in a swimming pool. Maybe it was inspired by a ridiculous pool party, but it seems unnecessary considering a person on a bike is not buoyant enough to cruise over water, assuring a poor outcome for whoever decides to try this. However, pedaling a bike while submerged in water could be an excellent and demanding workout, if only it weren’t illegal.
2. Can’t take a lion to the movies: In Baltimore, Maryland it is illegal to take a lion to the movies. This deeply disturbed me because I now have no idea how Simba and I are supposed to go on a date. Although, I am sure this is a serious issue in Maryland, because everyone knows those lions are noisy and eat all the popcorn.
3. Can’t eat peanuts and walk backwards during a concert: In Greene, New York it is illegal for a person to eat peanuts and walk backwards on the sidewalks during a concert. I can’t imagine the disturbance this must cause during a concert where crowds of people are dancing, screaming and jumping around. Forget healthcare and the economy, it is about time someone acknowledges this grave issue and restores the concert experience.
4. Can’t wear a bulletproof vest while committing murder: This New Jersey law states it is illegal for a person “to wear a body vest while engaged in the commission of…murder.” It is hard to know whether this law was meant to discourage the act of committing murder or just passed to make the whole process of murder a lot more dangerous and messy. Either way, there is a good chance if a person decides to take some else’s life they do not seriously stop to consider this law.  Considering murder is already illegal, the bullet proof vest seems a little like “overkill”.
5. Can’t put an ice cream cone in your back pocket if it is Sunday: If you ever visit Georgia, you should know it is unlawful to carry an ice cream cone in your back pocket on a Sunday. This obviously is a way to keep people from consuming ice cream on a Sunday, since the back pocket is the most common mode of transportation for an ice cream cone. This is completely upsetting because I can’t carry an ice cream cone in my front pocket, it just isn’t classy.
6. Can’t sleep on a fridge: This Pennsylvania law states it is illegal for any person to be found sleeping on top of a refrigerator outdoors. No need to worry though, you can always sneak in a quick power nap on top of your refrigerator in the sanctity of your own home. This leaves one wondering, who would find sleeping on top of a fridge even remotely appealing or comfortable? Also, is there a secondary application for the fridge as an outdoor appliance?  I always thought that’s what coolers were for.
7. Can’t go to church in the event of a Native American attack if you don’t have a shotgun: In Maine a person is required to take a shotgun to church in the event of a Native American attack. This just raises so many questions. Why is the shotgun required only at church? Are Native American attacks only directed on churches? I thought church and religion focused on a more peaceful and non-violent solution to differences. It is hard to envision a group of people in their Sunday best toting large shotguns.  If the attacks were only at your church, why not go to a different church or pray at home until the Native Americans are gone?
8. Can’t park an elephant at a parking meter, and not pay the parking fee: In Florida if an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle. This is why I suggested to my neighbor to invest in a giraffe, like I did, because transportation is already expensive enough and giraffe parking is free.
9. Can’t step out of a plane in flight: In Maine, a person cannot step out of a plane while it is in flight. Thank goodness someone thought to make this illegal as I am sure many people were considering doing before this law was established.  Perhaps the airline would have charged a discounted rate for drop offs. Please remember though, this is a serious law, if you break it there is a great chance you will get the death penalty.
10. Can’t tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp: It is considered unlawful in Georgia to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp. This ruins my earlier plans of using a giraffe for transportation. It seems I am in a bit of a dilemma, I can’t take a lion to the movies or afford parking for an elephant, so I must go to my last resort for transportation: a car. It is hard to imagine anyone would use a vehicle for transportation, but it seems I have no choice.