The Rants Of A Quiet Man
February 8, 2014 Shenanigans 6 comments SGauthier15
“That’s not the correct answer. Why are we being asked this? It would be so much simpler and faster if we changed how this procedure went! Why, oh why, can’t I get out of my own head?”
“They’ll laugh at me. My opinion doesn’t matter. What good will my speaking up do? What if it doesn’t work the way I hope? What if I’m told no? What if I’m told yes? Well, What if…. Oh why, oh why, can’t I get out of my own head?”
“She’s very kind, perhaps she will listen. Teachers have to consider all opinions, correct? What if I just wrote it out and gave the paper to someone else to bring up? People will never listen to me but they will listen to him! I just wish I could get out of my own head.”
I rant. I think. I ponder. I problem solve. However, I don’t speak. I do not speak for I am a quiet and shy person. I could never reveal my opinions to the world. What if they laughed at me?
I rant. I think. I ponder. I problem solve. However, I don’t speak. I do not speak for I am a quiet and shy person. I could never reveal my opinions to the world. What if they laughed at me?What if they thought it was a bad idea? What if I was considered a crazy person? I have all these brilliant ideas, or so I believe, that I cannot seem to vocalize. I’m horrified of the repercussions, of everything that could go wrong. I’m a thinker, not a talker. I’m smart, after all but why can’t I just speak up? I always wonder what would happen if I just stopped giving my ideas to my outspoken neighbor and just presented them for myself. Perhaps the day is coming?
I have come so close to speaking out, I really have. I forced myself to raise my hand in class to answer a question that I was positive of the answer on! I did this, only to find that I had stage fright. “I.. Uhh.. I apologize.. I forgot what I was going to say..” And down I slump in my chair. So low that I hardly am sitting at my desk anymore, I wanted to disappear, I couldn’t handle the accusing, mocking stares of my classmates, that’s always how it felt, mocking.. I stared down at my desk, peeking to see if they had stopped staring, all had, except one. She looked at me, the very nice girl who’s name I was too afraid to ask. She smiled, she wouldn’t stop looking at me, she whispered, “Go ahead, you can speak up.” I had to look away, I was scared, why am I so quiet? Today seemed to be my day of confidence, the day that I would speak up. I raised my hand once already, why can’t I do it again. Maybe this nice, this oh so nice potential friend could help me. I glanced at her, she smiled again, I raised my hand. “Get out of your own head” I thought. It was taking all the strength I had not to slump back into my chair and pretend my hand had never been raised.
“Yes, you, the student in the back?” the teacher asked, waiting for my question.
I was frozen, I must’ve looked like a deer trapped in the headlights of a car.
“Well, do you have a question or not?” she was getting impatient, oh dear what was I going to say? I had a question but it was silly, something everyone knows. They will laugh at me if I ask. I glanced at the kind girl in the front, she just nodded.
“Umm.. Yes.. I’m sorry but.. Can you please explain to me what a prepositional phrase is again please Ma’am?”
“Certainly, a prepositional phrase. Think of it as the position something is in, the description of it. Something such as, ‘The student sits on top of the chair.’ The prepositional phrase being ‘on top of’ Does that answer your question?”
“Yes Ma’am, Thank you.”
To my surprise, no one was laughing. The outspoken student next to me leaned over and thanked me for asking! He didn’t know what it was either! The kind girl in the front simply smiled and went back to taking notes. Maybe I don’t have to be so quiet, maybe this won’t be so hard next time, maybe I can finally get out of my own head.
6 Comments
This is a very nice story, and i wish that everyone could but outspoken, because someone people have great ideas or great questions, but never have the will or guts to raise their hands and just say something.
I’m glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading 🙂
I do this all the time! I am so scared to speak up about anything! It’s an insecurity thing for me, I am not sure why but I feel like I am wrong 90% of the time. It has gotten much better over time but this is one thing that really needs work for all of those who do feel this way. I just get stuck in my head and I wonder the value of how we speak up the same as you stated here. I really enjoyed this piece.
This is a fantastic example of inner monologue. I, as outspoken as I might be, get caught in this social fear on occasion. It is always so silly to be afraid to ask questions. I would rather have a student who asked a thousand questions than one who hardly raised an eyebrow showing a complete lack of understanding. At least the student asking a question is clarifying their understandings and trying to comprehend the material! This piece wonderfully illustrates how our own consciousness can psych ourselves over something as simple as asking a question our of fear that society will look down upon you and your request to learn. When in truth, as you put it so nicely, those who seem to know everything, might be just as confused as you are! A topic relatable to all, and an absolute joy to read!
Being a quieter person myself, I can relate to this story. I realized that at school, I act differently than I do outside of school. I am quieter at school because I usually feel that I might say or ask something that is dumb or uninteresting. I’ve gotten a little better though because I’ve realized that I might never get to know the right answer or how to do something if I don’t speak up and ask! I wonder what makes us “less talkative people” feel that we can’t speak up in the classroom? Why do we second guess ourselves and feel that what we might say isn’t as important as what someone else might say?
I used to be more like this, wondering about what people thought about me. Over the last few years though I have realized that none of this really matters. I went from the shy kid that did not talk to anybody my 6th grade year to the awkward kid my Freshmen year to my current state where I say anything without caring if I sound stupid or wrong. I have become more outspoken although this is exactly how I felt several years ago around people that I did not know as well.