Loving Hospital?
December 11, 2017 Uncategorized 5 comments ijuray18
What is cruel? Karma for the guy who cut you off on the interstate, or maybe sound judgment for the serial killer who is being accused of 13 murders, or maybe it’s divine judgment for those who are truly wicked and are deserving of retribution through the actions of fate. No, cruelty goes way deeper and is much more dark and sadistic. Animal cruelty, that thirty-two dollar lipstick that you splurged on at Sephora, or that “firm” hairspray that you got from Walmart have most likely been tested on a poor defenseless animal. What has that animal done to deserve being tortured just so we can see if the pigment is rich and to our satisfaction? My personal story, my mother had been pregnant for a little while, around seven months. With a little one on the way I couldn’t contain my excitement, I was ecstatic; completely overwhelmed to know that I was going to be a big brother to my very own little sister, I was going to be able to protect her and look out for her. I still remember vividly what it felt like to walk into the hospital. I was thrilled I haven’t seen my mom for a while and I was going to finally be able to meet my newborn baby sister Soleil, which means sun in French. As we passed through the walls of the corridor of white we ended up in my mother room. My mother, step-father, and my newborn baby sister wherein the kinda cramped room. As far as emotions go I was excited, but I saw my mothers face light up when we arrived. When I got closer to my little sister I noticed a small tube in her nose. I remember having one when I went in for surgery, but it was very small and just barely went in my nose. The one in my sister seemed much longer and I asked my Mom “Mom, what is there a tube going through Soleils nose”? “Because she needs it to breath honey” my mother replied in solace. I noticed another thing, her eyes were sunken in, and I asked my mother “Mom why are her eyes so sunken in”? My Mother again replied in solace “Because of honey”. She paused and took a deep breath to hold back the tears. “She was born a little too early, and her eyes were underdeveloped”. I realized then, that with each question I asked was like a knife going into my Mothers side. I didn’t mean for it to hurt, but I could tell that it was hurting her so very much. After a few minutes, the nurse asked us to leave the room, I and my family decided to go to the waiting room for a little while. An hour had passed when I realized that something was up. Time passed as we all waited patiently for the nurse to return to bring us back to my mother. Eventually, she came back to escort us to her room. When I walked in I say my mom holding my little sister, except she didn’t have the tube in her, there was a small red mark where it had been but other than that there was nothing there. My mother with an ear to ear grin and tears rushing down her face invited us to come in. I walked to the seat that was closest to her, and she said does anyone want to hold her. I’ve been waiting to meet my sister for a while so I asked if I could hold her. My mom nodded and very carefully handed the baby to my stepfather, and he handed her to me. He told me to make sure to hold her head, which made sense babies don’t have very strong muscles. However, when he handed me the small bundle of blankets I froze, not realizing she was cold… she was cute but cold. Her head, as well as her body, was completely limp. I’ve never really seen a dead body before, but I didn’t like it, especially when it was my little sister. Just around nine hours has she been in our world and she left, almost just as quickly as she came in. My mother told me she didn’t take another breath once they stopped life support. In conclusion, I say the world is beyond cruel, that cruel does not do any justice to the truth of the word cruel. I have watched my mother form a bond with something that was living inside her and see the world, without any warning, just rip it away. I have seen my entire family fall to pieces because of the death of a nine-hour old infant. So tell me, if watching an innocent baby be taken out of this world for no reason isn’t cruel than I don’t know what is. I learned that life is not fair, at all. An innocent life was plucked from this earth after being here for no longer than nine hours, it has opened my eyes to see the work for what it truly is. I have felt a pain that others may or may not feel, and that’s okay; after having this experience I have been made stronger, and like the saying goes “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”.
(Photo on <a href=”http://foter.com/re/b5d806″>Foter.com</a>)
5 Comments
I know exactly how you feel. The same thing happened with my baby cousin about 6 years ago. You described the feeling very well, and so that others that don know the feeling are able to imagine what it feels like to a certain extent.
I’m really sorry that you had to go through this and your family had to go through such a horrible thing. The way you explain how it made you feel and how you describe it really shows how much it impacted you and your family. Other people can really feel what you went through with your explinations
If one day, I lost my memory of everything, I could tell you that there is only one thing in my mind that will never leave, that it’s seared into my mind, and no amount of anything will take it away. 5/12/13. That was Mother’s Day in 2013. That’s also the day my gram passed away. Everything started that morning. I woke up because my sister’s child peed the bed. I was changing the sheets at my sister’s house when my sister started crying, and ran into the room. Turns out my gram was in the hospital, and she might not make it. No emotion from me. Alright, yeah sure. Gram is going to be fine, big deal. Nothing from me. Poker face. We got the kid ready, on the way to the hospital. Pure silence. Still nothing from me. My mom and dad, aunts were already there. We walk into the hospital, into the room. There’s my aunt Franzie, okay. Cousin Oasis, there’s Aaron. Hey dad, and I nod to the nurses. They look dead, and so does everyone else. For once, I’m the one with the color in my face. Then we walked into the room. There’s mom, hugging onto my gram, her mom for dear life. Jesus mum, leave her alone, she’s sleeping, she’s fine. Poker face. The only words my mom could say were; “Come say goodbye.” Nah, she’s sleeping, I’m not saying goodbye, what’s there to say goodbye for? Nothing. No tears in the hospital, heart of stone. Later that day, everything was fine. We ordered pizza. I went back to my sister’s house. My mom couldn’t take it. I took a nap at 1am, to wake up at about 2:30am. We went to the chapel in the hospital. Nothing. My aunt Karmen walked in first and walked right up to her, and looked into her closed eyes. My mom told me not to walk up, but I didn’t care. That’s my gram, and I want to see her. Well. I saw her. You wanna know what a dead body looks like after it’s been frozen? It’s blue and purple and it’s one of the most horrendous things you’ll ever see in your life. That was it. She was dead, and cold, and blue. I lost my color and walked out with hot tears searing the sides of my face because I suddenly turned cold too. I sat with my sister and her husband while we waited to go home. So Izik, I know how you feel. Nothing will ever change the way that affected you, and it will stay with you forever. Thanks for sharing, at least now you know how to hold a real poker face.
I think that the applying of dialogue in this helped to put us more in that situation, try and see a better picture and feeling of what standing in that hospital room was like, and picture the expression on your mother’s face. There really is no explanation as to why people are taken out of this world at any time, but leaving right after you got here makes it even worse.
I am very sorry that you had to go through this, but I feel like you were able to explain the situation and the emotions going on very well throughout this post. I have never gone through something like this but after reading your post I can get a better understanding of how it would feel and what it would be like.