I have always been a very anxious person like ever since I can remember. I have problems with small things to bigger things, imagine things that most people would do without even giving it a second thought, that could be like going into a store to buy something or anything like that. Most people wouldn’t care or even give that thought right? For me even little things like that make me very anxious, my mind races and makes me think instead about the good outcome I think about all of the things that could go wrong in the process. Even little stupid things that I know make no sense and I shouldn’t even remotely think about I do, such as “Am I doing this right” or “What are people thinking right now” some as small as “Do I look suspicious or strange at all” Things like that just for whatever reason have always stressed me out really bad and it has impact my daily life and always has, especially school in regards to presenting which most people hate doing so imagine me… The biggest thing in school that I struggle with but have gotten better with is asking questions and that is the thing I wanted to talk about the most since I could go on and on about different things.
So like I said before I have had a huge problem with anxiety and have my entire life, I could go on and on about it but what I want to focus on the most is school and asking questions because that has always been a big problem for me just because of the fear of “asking a stupid question” or just standing out. I really don’t like being noticed by people, especially in class so most of the time if I am confused and don’t understand something I get stressed out. Because I fear standing out or looking dumb I don’t answer and let the question sit there in my head and I just think about it over and over and over again. It actually drives me crazy but because of my fear of speaking out I just can’t get myself to do it which leads to me sending emails to teachers. I have learned to send emails to teachers when I am confused or have a long question. It’s a way for me to ask but not have to say it in front of anyone and it does save me a lot of stress in the end. Although I know that I can’t always do that because there will be times where I need to speak out and ask a question and I guess that could be for any number of reasons. Because of this I do every now and then try to make myself ask a question in class, I tend to ask small questions though because it’s a way for me to start small which I need to do so I don’t get overwhelmed. Doing this helps me get used to doing it and then hopefully over time I will be able to just ask something in class when it comes into my head instead of letting it sit in my head and stress me out, I have to get familiar with something before I can just do it and asking smaller questions helps me work towards that goal.
I know I probably won’t ever get rid of my anxiety, it has been with me my entire life and most likely always will be. I have learned from people and others just dealing with it in general that if I just ask small questions and overall take it slow I will be able to do whatever I need to do. I just need to be careful to take things slow so I don’t overwhelm myself and just make my anxiety get out of control, it all comes down to me managing it. Because if you don’t do that with your anxiety and just keep letting your thoughts run wild it will keep getting worse and worse….until eventually it feels like there is no way out of it. I have had that happen many times and you kinda just shut down at that point. When that happens you are not helping anyone especially yourself so you need to try your best to manage it.I am glad that over the years I have gotten better with managing it so I am able to do what I need to do. I still have a lot of trouble with things, but I have certainly gotten better.
head-in-hands-3
