The Healing of Words

Who knew the ones you were closest to could hurt you the most. Day after day people are affected by their relationships, and it is not always for the better. Luckily, most people allow others to help them feel better about their problems. I’ve helped someone get through a hard time just as someone else has helped me. We’ve all felt pain, so why not help each other?

A breakup is never easy, especially when you have been with that person for so long. It is hard to think you could ever move on and find someone else. Thoughts continuously build up in our heads. We make ourselves go crazy with the “what ifs” instead of just talking through our feelings.

Luckily, one of my friends had the courage to open up to me about his tough breakup that he was going through. It had been a couple years with this girl and things had drawn to an end. He had the same thoughts. The same feeling of wanting to return to the past where the good times stayed. Of course I was there to listen: to the good memories, and the bad. I tried to be as supportive and uplifting as I could. Because we are only in high school I reassured him that it was okay, he is still young, and that believe it or not another great girl will come along in the future. I know it was such a typical line; one that people use just as often as, “time will heal” and “everything happens for a reason”. But I still chose to say them. Why? because it will help him. After a little time has passed he will come to realize that all of what I said is true, and that he is even stronger post-breakup.

I guess it is kind of hypocritical of me to say because it took me awhile to understand that concept myself. It was not until recently that those phrases really started to heal me. I too, went through a pretty tough breakup. But unlike my other friend, I was not open about my feelings right off. I was instead wrapped in my own thoughts, stuck reminiscing about the feeling of euphoria that being in a loving relationship gave me. I wondered if I had made a mistake by ending things, even though I knew in my mind it was the right thing to do. But I would end up coming back to the same conclusion that I had indeed made the right choice. Yet, I would still find myself looking through pictures of when we were together over and over again. It was like this never ending battle with myself over who should I have listened to: my mind? or my heart? I needed to come to the actuality that I was not over him. My heart was stuck in the past with our many laughs, road trips, and Fielder’s dates. No matter how hard I tried to forget the past and let it go I couldn’t.

I was so entranced with my past memories that I needed to find a solution. So I did what any millennial would do: I Googled it. A lot of the articles I read mentioned expression. Whether it be through speaking or writing. I laughed reading them thinking, “Yeah right, what does writing do besides put your inner mental struggles on paper?”. Well, a couple days later I gave in and decided to try a journal. I’ve never been the one to write in a journal, I’d say I’ve never really had the need. But in this journal I let loose. I went on and on talking about my feelings, asking myself the questions I had been for months, playing out possible scenarios if I did this, or that. Every minor detail about my ex that came into my mind, I wrote down. It reminded me of the exercises in freshman English that we would do where you were not allowed to stop writing. That is exactly what I did. My thoughts and questions continued to fill the pages with feelings of anger, sorrow, and happiness all at the same time. I wish I would have done it sooner because in writing in a journal, it made me comfortable enough with my own thoughts, that I could finally express them to someone else.

That someone was my best friend. She has always been there for me and she is someone who I know will always be there for support. When I brought up my thoughts about my ex she never once made a face or spoke ill of him. She instead listened and then followed up with giving me some advice, just as I had done for my other friend. Having that outlet to let everything out and be free from the mental battle with myself did so much healing in itself. Not only was I able to have a weight lifted off my chest, but I also got her perspective on things to help ease the pain.

Finally releasing all the stress I had been building up inside allowed me to finally move on. I could think about the good times we had, but then leave them in the past. Those words of encouragement that I received throughout the conversation with my best friend of, “everything happens for a reason” all came swarming back. “She was right” I thought.

Things do happen for a reason. Mistakes occur so we can learn to prevent them in the future. Sometimes the things that bring us great pain lead us to achieve ultimate happiness later on. We set too much pressure on ourselves, especially in times when we need to let it go the most. In the conversation with my first friend I happened to be the one giving the advice, but it was really him who taught me the importance of opening up. Once I was able to see the amount of healing that comes with letting out all of your steam and asking for advice I grew as a person. Both my friend and I took the pain from our breakups and in turn made ourselves stronger. After all of this happened I kept coming back to the phrases that both my best friend and I had spoken, and the sudden value of the true meaning behind them came forward. They didn’t help in the moment, but I think it is safe to say that my friend and I can agree that the advice does help to heal. That advice is the beauty in a friend that we must never lose sight of.

Photo by Haslo on Foter.com