Don’t Be Too Hard On Yourself

A time when I have had a hard time laughing at was probably dance class. I take dance very seriously, I have participated in it for 13 years and I believe that I take it more seriously than others at times. I take it so serious that I have spent countless hours perfecting the choreography to dances that we have learned in the studio to perform at recital and on the steps that I just can’t seem to grasp fully. Other people have an easier time with it most likely because they don’t take it as serious and just don’t care as much as I and some others do. These girls have the ability to laugh at themselves and the mistakes that they have made because to them that can just try again no big deal and just brush it off. Many times I have become so frustrated with myself for not knowing the moves that I beat myself up about it for so long after the fact. I have made myself have a lasting bad self image because of the stress I put on myself to look better while dancing and to be as good as other people. My ability to not laugh at a situation that should be laughable has really put a damper on the image of myself, and how other perceive me. I try to come across as a hard worker but others may see me as annoying. Take this as an example, when I hear someone at school complaining about their “bad grade” as they go on to cry about how they have a 98 instead of the 100 they intended on bothers me but I don’t understand it like they do and that’s exactly how I feel about dance. I have been told all my life that I am a beautiful dancer and for the most part I listen to people and it makes me feel good about myself but then I look at myself and I can always pick out what I did wrong and what I can do to improve for the next time. I’m starting to believe people more and more as I get older when they tell me “you’ll look back on this and laugh someday”. This is a life motto that I think I should live by more often, it has taught me that instead of beating myself up for something that won’t matter in the future, that I should laugh about it, and breathe, and just simply move on. I realize now that what I might think is the most important thing in the world may not even mean anything in someone else’s eyes. Because of my inability to laugh at a laughable situation I have developed a bad self image which is not healthy for my mental health. I understand that I am my worst critic and that I need to give myself way more credit for the good things I do and not hang on to something that happened a very long time ago. A time where I wasn’t able to laugh and now I look back and think of it fondly and remember it as funny is the one year at dance recital when our dance got called on stage and in the beginning of our song the audio cut out. We were all a bunch of tap dancers stranded on stage with no music but we had to keep moving as if nothing happened. Of course this made everyone way more nervous so we all got anxious and embarrassed and screwed up our whole routine because of how off we were and none of our sounds were matching up. We were so embarrassed that after the performance we all went back stage and freaked out, some girls were even crying because of how embarrassed they were. Looking back at it now we can all laugh about the time but in the moment it was a huge deal and nobody found it funny. Another time I can remember is when I had my boyfriend in the audience watching me perform my solo routine. I got so nervous while he was watching me that when we made eye contact I got all shaky and sweaty, and I could hardly breathe. I basically messed up my whole performance because I was so nervous and love struck that I almost tripped twice and you could tell everything was shaky and that I was a nervous wreck. After this performance I was devastated and I beat myself up for a long time over it because it was my only shot to perform it and I screwed it up. After both of these incidents happened and I look back at them, I realize how unimportant and insignificant they were which just makes me laugh thinking about it. I have learned a valuable lesson through these scenarios and many more that have taught me the power of laughing at yourself and letting things go.

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