Too Stressed to Laugh

Moments before the biggest game in our 2018 soccer season I could barely breathe never mind laugh. We were playing our biggest rivals in out conference and this was going to be the talk of our season if we won. We beat them in the regular season, why could we not beat them now? These thoughts raced through my head seconds before kick off. This was it, it was time.From the moment I woke up on the brisk October morning, I was nervous, I was so nervous. All that I wanted to do was win and that day was no laughing matter. Everyone around me seemed to not care that this was likely the most important game in our season and it seemed as though nobody cared. It seemed as though everyone else thought that this was just another ordinary, silly, regular season game, but to me this was THE game of the season. Even though we made play offs I did not have high hopes of making it too far in, but winning our conference was certainly something we could do if we all played our hearts out and played as a team. During the whole day I was so beyond nervous, I thought I was the only one who actually cared. I was very serious all day and so nervous. I wish looking back now I would have just taken a load off my shoulders and lightened up and smiled, but my game face was on all day long. I wish I could have just lived in the moment with all of my teammates instead of freaking out about winning the whole day, but I cared too much.All of the girls laughing and joking around on the bus made me even more stressed out and angrier than I already was. It was time to get our game faces on. It was go time, it was time to beat the Monmouth Mustangs, but like earlier in the day it seemed as if nobody cared. When we showed up to Lewiston High School we were all directed to a large weight room filled with treadmills, elliptical, stationary bikes, benches, squat racks and weight plates. We settled down and made this place our new home as we waited for our game to begin, which seemed like eternity. A few girls settled down and prepared for the game but not enough girls calmed down. Most of the girls were like children at a park goofing around on all the different pieces of equipment. All I could think of was the worst and thinking that it was over and we should not go out in this freezing weather to play this game because nobody cared. Then it was time.We took the field and I have never been more nervous in my life for this moment. This was my last year to do something like this in high school. Between all the adrenaline and nerves in my body I have never been more energized and my energy spiked to an all time high. The game was very close every second and could have gone either way. Most of the starters did not come out of the game all first half and most of the second half until all the calf cramps. That was most likely the most memorable part of the game and certainly the most stressful, beside going into penalty kicks.Just like that we won and that is just it we won. All the stress and adrenaline went away. It was over. We won. It was so accomplishing but because all I could do was stress out and not have fun and laugh with my teammates it did not feel like a milestone that we reached as a whole team. It just felt like a normal game but with a trophy. Looking back I wish I could have taken a load off and calmed down and lived in the moment with everyone else. I wished I could have laughed on the bus and could have been more approachable throughout the day. I wish I could have joked around in the weight room before the game because the memories that I have from those moments are frustration. I put so much stress on myself for reasons I cannot even begin to describe. Because of my inability to laugh and have fun with everyone and to live in the moment it caused the championship title that we had just won to feel like a small accomplishment instead of a big on that it actually was. I learned that I need to enjoy the journey and laugh and have fun instead of taking everything too serious because at the end of the day it is all about the memories shared with unforgettable teams rather than trophies won.

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