Learning To Love

Failure is the key to success. Without our mistakes, we would never fully be able to experience growth. It is a part of being human. Either you learn from them, or the cycle continues where history repeats itself. Just like everyone else, I have made mistakes of my own. The most significant mistake being the time I put someone else’s happiness above my own. At one point, I started caring about another person more than I did myself. This was going to turn out to be a lesson for me. It is easy to put the ones you care about before yourself, when happiness comes from helping others. Beginning of senior year, I realized I needed to take care of my own wellbeing before anything else.

To be more specific, I spent all my time and money on a person who didn’t even think twice about doing the same for me. Let’s call name them Anon. This was a lesson that showed me not everyone has the same heart as you. Also, some people don’t care much about your financial situation to be selfish enough to manipulate you. Anon would ask me to go out to eat at an expensive restaraunt, say Olive Garden. Order the most hefty priced food and drink. When it came time to pay, Anon would realize he did have enough money. Who ended up spending all of of their money? Me. But you can’t help yourself when it gets to a point where you feel so strongly about someone, that you’ll do anything to make it work. Even if it isn’t in your best interest. You can’t force a person to accept love from you if they aren’t willing. Anon told me that they felt a certain way about me, that they wanted to make me happy. But if that were true, would I have felt this way? Actions speak a lot louder than words.

I was once this happy go lucky girl, that soon was miserable everyday. It got to the point where because I put everything into Anon, I was becoming a person I didn’t want to be. When you let yourself go for so long, it’s bound to happen right? I had to make a change. Unsure of what to do, I found it best to distance myself. Anon did not like the fact they weren’t getting 110% of my affection anymore. Despite this, I had to put myself first. No matter what. People are scared to make decisions, but let me tell you, you have to follow your gut. Even if you think it’s not what you want, often times it’s what you need.

The hardest aspect of this is if the person on the receiving end, doesn’t seem to care at all no matter how hard you try. Heartbreak, at times, is inevitable. The only way to learn is to experience. Every single part of what comes with a mistake allows you to grow. This includes the sadness, betrayal, love, happiness– all of it. I felt all these emotions deeply. “You can’t experience the good without the bad”, my friends told me. I decided it would be best if I ended my relationship, for both myself and the other person.

In the end, I accept full responsibility for the person I used to be. It was a tough lesson I had to learn. But now I can proudly say I am a better version of myself, which is all I’ve ever wanted.

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