The Bastard
April 30, 2019 Uncategorized 11 comments aday19
Sadly, I do not know of any fascinating piece of my family history past the fact that my grandfather, who ironically made his living off of logging, is quite allergic to trees. However, I do know of a piece of my history that has helped make me the man I am today. During my father’s childhood, his own father left his mother to basically start another new family, which he has since done. My father’s primary father-figure in his life was his grandfather. He taught him many things about being a man, including how to fix anything that could be fixed, although my dad still has issues with that some of the time. My dad had a replacement father-figure, who he named himself after just a few years ago, but my dad was not around a lot to learn and hang out with the only other male in the family for long. Before my dad reached the age of 20 he had already seen most of the United States because of constantly moving around in his younger years. Even after his grandfather passed, my dad continued to move around and have jobs that did not allow for him to be in one place for too long (he’s a pilot and part-time truck driver).
My mother, on the other hand, had a full family with a father and mother growing up. As most people can tell, she was a very boisterous child but stayed in the same area for most of her life. This allowed her to have a family when she was twenty-four, complete with a husband and a daughter. My mother has not had an easy life either, losing her daughter 3 1/2 years after she was born and my grandmother shortly after that. It still perplexes me to the day about how my father and my mother first met and actually had a relationship together, while having completely different backgrounds. They somehow met at a mutual friends party and begun hanging out. Here comes my part in the story, they had me out of wedlock a few years after they first met. So, by definition, I am truly a bastard child. To put the cherry on top, a year or so after I was born, my parents ceased to live together. Even though my parents were separated, they made sure that I did not have the same life as my father did. I continued to have family gatherings where both parents were present and continued to talk to each other like friends. My father soon bought himself a piece of empty land 10 or so minutes away from my mother and ensured that I had a somewhat equal amount of time between my two parents. In fact, my growing up has brought them closer together, not ever in the capacity of when they were together but as best friends, helping each other out when needed and being an ear to listen to each others problems. It has gotten to the point where my mother, step-dad, dad, and I go on regular snowmobiling trips, sometimes for a week or so at a time.
Growing up in this particularly different parental situation has changed my mind on so many topics and has been the root of most of my personality. Most importantly it has taught me to see both sides of the coin, as each parent would have their own outlook on life and how things work that were nothing alike in any way, shape, or form. Having the opportunity of hanging out with one parent at a time also gave me a unique division of inherited traits and thoughts. I gained my mother’s talkative traits, and my father’s silence somehow at the same time, leaving me either too talkative or too silent in any given situation. Perhaps the biggest influence in my life was the fact that all of my parents are best friends with each other. I have learned that no matter how much might separate you apart if you really want to have a relationship with someone you can, you just have to work for it. It has also taught me that I should always try and leave things on good terms if possible as you never know where you might end up in life. I now find myself having my tech toys at my mothers and my mechanical toys at my fathers. Even with my license in hand, I make sure to try and evenly spend my time at each house because there is nothing like having one on one time with your parents.
Photo by Andrew Day
11 Comments
I love this story and I am very glad that you can spend equal time with both of your parents and that they are still close together. Your story about your fathers life reminds me of some of the things that I have been through in my life with my parents. When I was younger my family was also constantly moving around the state of Maine and even all the way to New Mexico.
I wish I could have that sort of life you did – Growing up we lead literally the exact opposite lives. My mother was the one without the family, while my father did, they were married when they had me, and split up, but hated each other with a burning passion, and I was stuck between. I have paid dearly for my family, as neither side got along and tried to make me hate the other. I wished, and still do to this day, they could get over their differences and get along for even a moment. You are very lucky to have parents who understood the importance of not making their child choose one or the other. It is always important to put those who rely on you’s needs (for the parents in their live) before your hatred for the other parent, because it does nothing but make life harder for the child.
I love this photo by the way. But I really think this is a really good story. Given the fact that you have changed decisions according to how your family gets along with each other. I grew up Catholic always going to church when I was younger on Sundays, but as we got older, that slowed down. I realized I wasn’t to into the whole going to church thing a couple years ago because no matter me going to St. Doms and growing up catholic doesn’t mean I have to believe what I was grown up to be, Making your own decisions can be hard, when it comes to your family.
Sure looks like you do have a lot of family history after all. It was a lot to read, but it was very interesting, and had a great use of language.
That explains a lot…just kidding! Actually I can relate to this because my parents divorced when I was about 2 but they had to learn how to be friends for me and my brothers sake. Now that I’m older I don’t get to see him as often but that’s because he’s in a different state, your lucky that your parents live near each other and that they can get along.
Well said Andrew. I get what you mean about spending time with family because that’s one of the few things that you don’t get to choose in life. But that doesn’t mean that we cant enjoy it, like you said “there is nothing like having one on one time with your parents.” That’s why your a great person and I’m glad I made such a good friend.
Andrew, I read this story more than once to be honest because I had a similar lifestyle. I heard your message and I understood how you showed us (the audience) evidence behind your message. It’s a great piece of writing, nice work.
Wow, I never knew this about you and your family. Your family is certainly different and it is what makes you unique and makes you well you! All we see at school is you not your home life or family because it would be weird if family joined us at school. Also seeing the divide in what you do at your fathers and motherhouses is most certainly interesting. I had always known that you were a tech savy human being and a man that holds a wrench. but I had never known you found a clear divide in the times you spent on those things. This was an awesome post I enjoyed formating and just the word choices you picked. Well done
It is interesting to see how our past lives can either determine who we are or show that we decide for ourselves. This is a prime example of showing they decided they wanted you to have a life that both parents can be in. I was lucky enough to have the same fate.
Well said ADay, I wish I had the experience growing up. I had a similar fate as AHilliard. I grew up with my parents basically hating each other. I grew up with my parents telling me why the other one was so bad and that I shouldn’t go back to the other one. It came to a point where my father actually brought me to a family matters attorney to try and take me from my mom. I agree that not everyone has a happy go lucky childhood, but I believe that the parents mold their child for adulthood.
Learning more and more detail about you Bud. Maybe little things to add to what I already know but always something new. Great read. An refresher on what I know about you. Amazing to know that you get a positive piece out of your situation cause not everyone does. Thanks for sharing and hope your future is as bright as you deserve.