Live In The Now

Hello, I’m Sara, I stand before you on period 3 on a English day as I call it, not because I want to but because Mrs. Chick made me.

“Go to High School” they said, “It’ll be the best time of your young life” they said… I have yet to believe any of those words. Let’s all be honest, we have cried more tears in the past four years then we will cry for the rest of our lives. I mean I can say with no doubt I have cried more in the past year than I ever thought possible, for awhile I thought something was wrong with my tear ducts. I mean given yes, I have what some might think “everyone says they have depression when they are in high school” but let me tell you, I honestly think it’s bulls***. I don’t think it’s depression anymore, I think it’s a build of being what some might call ‘bipolar’, then adding a little four gallon jug of sensitivity, a pool, like a real life swimming pool of overthinking and caring too much and a thousand shots, to the rim, of thinking the worst in every possible situation. Add those all together and you get just a glimpse of, Sara Moring. All and all, don’t be like me.

I spent most of my high school career caring too much about how people see me, what they think about me and comparing myself to anything that walked. I also spent a majority of my junior and senior year people watching. I by my locker every morning (when I show up on time) watching people walk by, not judging them… just seeing how many times they can walk by and seeing them multiply as it gets closer to the bell. I also spent a majority of my senior year caring wayyyyy too much. I think as girls we automatically pick out the ‘biggest competition’ and sit there every second and compare ourselves to them. Trust me, I was and still am the BEST at doing this. I let my insecurities dictate what I do and how I react to situations and so far, it’s gotten me nowhere. I mean I spent half my senior PROM looking at all the girls in their dresses wondering how I could be better, or overall just look BETTER. Sure, any guy could look at some girl and see how pretty they are on the outside, but the inside is what’s going to matter when the looks go away, when the wrinkles show up and you can barely get out of a chair without assistance.

When it came to studies I was never the best, I always put off my homework until the last second. Instead of doing my homework I spent my time in my bed watching Criminal Minds, The Arrow, The Flash, Prison Break, Vampire Diaries I mean the list goes on and on. I spent more time worried about getting a snapchat back, making sure my Instagram captions were good enough and making sure everything was spelled right in my tweet because if not I’d have to repost it. I was someone who stayed home and dreamed of having plans while watching stories pile up of everyone have fun and going out.

My summers didn’t get very exciting until the summer of my junior year. I was finally invited to a ‘party’, really it was just a bunch of people sitting around a fire and playing water pong off someones back porch with music blaring in the background. Now everyone knows me when there are, groups of people, mostly boys and maybe like 10 girls… this is where you DON’T want to be me. I, stupidly was playing water pong with a boy as my partner. Now, I’d like to think I’m coordinated but when there are boys around I tend to get a little uh, anxious, nervous, my hands start sweating, then my armpits… and before I know it I have massive pit stains. Yes, I know the boy, but that’s besides the point. Imagine this, we are playing, it’s my turn, I do my stupid little routine; that I think is like going help me and is going to make the ball go in or something? Not really sure. I release the ball, see it ricochet off the front rim of the cup. Now, if the ball stays on the table I have a chance for another shot if I can get to it before anyone else… That’s where things get uhh, heated. I automatically, without thinking lunge over the table towards the ball. Imagine, slow motion me reaching over 6 cups on the table out front of me. Let’s take a quick moment to remind ourselves what it’s like to be Sara Moring.. Remember? The whole overreacting, sensitive, bipolar mess? Well, Sara was wearing a white shirt; white shirts when wet, are see through right? I think you know where it’s going. I drove home, soaking wet with a see through shirt, crying.

I think all and all, school sucks. I also think that it is where we learn who we are. The thing I didn’t tell you about my senior prom or the rest of that summer of my junior year was all the good stuff that happened. Because for some reason our brains only think or remember all the bad stuff that happens. That summer of my junior year was the best summer I have ever had. After that incident I went back to that same place with the same people the next day and no one cared, yes we joke about it, but we care more about enjoying each others company than worrying about some dumb incident. My senior prom, sucked because I didn’t have a date. It was also so much fun because I got to do whatever I wanted, I danced with my friends and honestly danced like no one else was there. I probably looked bat shit crazy or drunk but I was just being me enjoying the moment because I may never go to another prom. Sure, I didn’t have a date and during the slow songs it sucked to look around and see all the couples dancing and look out front of me and realize ‘I am dancing with another girl, not a man.” but I realized that living in the moment is the best way to live life.

Moving forward go out and do what you want, if you want something go after it. Stop living in the past, or living for the future, live in the now and enjoy every moment as it comes. Thank you. Photo by Simply Viola ( Busy +off-on ) on Foter.com / CC BY-NC-SA