Little Things

Sometimes the smallest things in life, like inside jokes between your friends or impulsive adventures are what mean the most. I have had a lot of ups and downs throughout my 17 years, but quite frankly, I’m grateful for every second. Most of those obstacles and hardships taught me lessons that have changed who I am in a positive manor. I have been told that my laugh is contagious. I usually have the ability to laugh at anything that would usually make me upset or angry. I try not to let things bother me too much. I’m generally able to shut out negative energy, but sometimes I can’t hold it off. It is not healthy to be ok all the time. It makes you human. Sometimes I feel like I have to pretend to be ok–I’m usually able to smile even when it is a challenge–because people around me know that I’m pretty tough, but everybody has their moments.

At the start of my sophomore year, I was in a new relationship with a guy. We had a great relationship for a little more than a year. It was the best time of my life and we made so many memories. When we broke up it broke me inside. I never knew I could hurt that much until it actually happened. Everyone was so shocked because they thought everything was going great between us. They were not wrong, we were happy, but it was the best decision for us at the time. I had a very hard time with the breakup, especially because everyone wanted to talk to me about it and I just did not want to think about it. I still have a hard time when I think about it because he was my person. It sounds cheesy but he was literally my best friend. I was lucky enough to have so many amazing friends helping me through it, but most of the time, I dealt with it on my own. I do not like showing my feelings or showing my emotions because I feel like I have to uphold my reputation of being tough, but I just was not ok. I tried laughing it off and telling myself it was just a high school relationship, but it was not that easy. The following year was a struggle, I was not happy, as much as I pretended that I was. My mom has always told me that my ability to laugh it off was one of my strongest qualities. This is usually because the matters are small and lack importance. My car runs out of gas religiously and instead of freaking out, I just laugh it off. I felt like I was disappointing her and myself, but I just could not bring myself to laugh over the matter.

I was my only support system through this time. I distanced myself from my friends and they had no idea how to help. They spent so much time trying to make me feel better. There were moments when I would have a good time and share a laugh with them and forget about how bad it hurt, but it did not last long. It did not matter if we went to the beach, went shopping, or just got food. There were always little things that would remind me of him and the memories I had with him. I felt so bad that my friends felt useless. The worst feeling is when the only person that can make you feel better, the only one you trust, can confide it and talk to–the only one who can make you feel not alone is actually the one who hurt you. I felt so alone, like I lost a piece of me. I wanted to see him and talk to him all the time, but it would have just made things worse. I was hurting deep down but did not want to show it and that is what really took a toll on me.

Eventually, I found light in what I was going through. I turned my sadness into a memory. I started appreciating the little things in our relationship that made me who I am. I was happy that I got the chance to make those memories with him and how happy we actually were. I swear appreciating the smallest things in life is what means the most. I could live my life alone, with millions of dollars and I still would not be happy. The joy of being around people who care about you is a privilege and you can’t take advantage of that because you never know when it will all just be over. Remembering all of those happy memories full of laughing and spending time together made me appreciate every second like it was my last.

Photo on Foter.com