Asking For Help

In the 3rd grade, I was moved into the Gifted and Talented (GT) program for math and English, because I learned faster than an average kid. My parents and teachers were really proud of me and I was proud of myself, at least back then I was. For the first couple of years, it went well, it was harder than the work I had been used to but I was able to do it and I enjoyed learning the new subjects. But in 6th grade, they ended the GT program and I was moved into a regular class. I was put in a 7th-grade math class and when we started learning, I realized I knew how to do the things I was being taught, but the teacher was showing me a different way to do it. I was taught a completely different way of learning the subject and now I was being told I had to relearn it all because the way I was taught was ‘incorrect’. The new way my teacher described it made no sense to me, it was more complicated and had extra steps that I just did not understand why they were there. But the whole time I was in GT, I did well, so people just assumed that I would pick the new classes up easily.

The struggle to work through the classes continued throughout middle school, even getting worse because of personal stuff going on at home which was affecting my ability to focus. It did not occur to me then, but I was never taught some of the basics of algebra and geometry. I thought that I was just stupid and when my parents saw my declining grades, they thought I was just slacking off. I was too embarrassed to say that I did not understand the material I was being taught and I was too ashamed to ask for help. I finally realized how much I was missing when I tried to help some of my friends with their work and I could not comprehend anything they were learning. I knew it partially was not my fault, but I still felt like I should have been able to do it. But I did not ask for help to learn what I had missed, I simply pretended like it was not a problem, which in the grand scheme of things was not the best idea.

Freshmen year, I took geometry and I was lost. It was expected of me to know the basics and I just did not. But I was too ashamed to ask for help because my parents always talked about how smart I was and how I got such good grades, which made me feel even worse about the fact that I did not know what was going on. I tried to understand it, but I ended up just giving up and not trying anymore, which caused me to fail geometry. Then the following year, I failed algebra 2 because I didn’t have the basics from geometry and algebra 1. I ended up having to make those credits up in math labs, finally passing them by the skin of my boots. During my first semester of junior year, I was dealing with a lot and I did not ask for help from anyone, not family or teachers or friends. With all of the stuff going on personally, school did not even make the top 100 on my priority list. All of my grades we terrible and I was failing almost everything, but I refused to ask for help because I felt like I would look weak if I did. People around me at the time were also going through a lot so I thought that it was better to suffer in silence than admit that I was not able to do it all by myself and I did not want to bother others when they had problems of their own. By the end of the semester, I was able to pull myself together a bit. I passed everything…except for English. But that was not a surprise to me. I had next to nothing and I knew it was impossible for me to pass it, so I put that work aside and focused on my other classes so that I would be able to pass the rest. The next semester got a little easier, I did not fail anything at least.

Now that I am in the final stretch of my senior year, I can look back at all of this and see how much different my high school career could have been if I had reached out to anyone sooner if I had asked someone to help me through the hard times. Maybe I would not have failed so many classes, or maybe I could have developed better relationships with friends and teachers. I will never truly know what would have happened, but what I do know is that I will take my experience with me and I will learn from it. Everyone needs help sometimes, I know that now. This year has been tough, but it is starting to get better. I’ve been able to ask for help and it has made dealing with my stress and ability to get things done much easier.

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