Distorted Audrey

I have never been one to take a leap of faith – or put myself out there at all. I’ve always been outgoing and bubbly, but the faith I have in myself has been very low, or non-existent. Ever since I could talk, my mom tried to get me to audition for plays. Whether it be for a community theater or a school production, she encouraged me to try. My family and friends were always telling me to become involved in drama, but it wasn’t until my junior year of high school that I decided to listen to them. My first play was one to remember; schools around the U.S. put on a festival called One Acts – it’s a competition in which schools in each state compete for a state title, then move onto nationals if they place first. I decided to take a step into the drama world, and when I got there, I learned that it was something I never wanted to stop doing. During my audition, I was surrounded by my new friends, who were extremely accepting and supportive. Yet, despite all of that, when they called my name to go up in front of everyone, I was shaking. My heart was beating extremely fast and one of my friends had pointed out to me how red my ears had gotten. I did the best I could and when the audition was over, I felt relieved. Later that night, my good friend who was directing the play, called me to tell me I was perfect for Audrey – a sexual assault survivor who would share her story on a video platform. In order to do that, we would have to set up a camera in front of me and project my face on the back wall behind me. I wasn’t comfortable with that, but I was grateful I had been casted as a lead for my first play. My dreams had become a reality so I did my best to live up to what the directors had seen in me.

During our dress rehearsal, which was open to the public, three judges came from the competition to tell us how we did, and they were not impressed with my part. They felt as if I was too quiet and told me if we wanted to win, I had to step up my game. It was extremely embarrassing because the feedback was presented in front of an audience. My heart started to pound again and I could feel my ears begin to pulse. We were two days away from the competition so I knew I had to work extremely hard to perfect my act. I rehearsed in my car and in front of my family. I did what I could with the time I had left and I think I did a good job!

The weekend of One Acts had arrived and the entire cast was pumped. We were ready to bring home the first place trophy for the second year in a row. I practiced my lines over and over again – hoping and praying I wouldn’t forget them in the middle of my performance. There were a couple things on the stage that were not quite like the stage at school: instead of a white wall background, they had a white wrinkled curtain that messed up our headlines for the slideshow, this is also where my face was going to be projected – in front of over three hundred people – keep this in mind. We watched both of our competition perform and receive feedback, so we knew exactly what the judges were looking for. When they called us up for the actual performance, I felt my heart drop into my stomach – but I wanted that first place trophy so bad so I took a deep breath and walked onto the stage with my head held high. Our play was fantastic – it was one I will never forget. Before I had even gotten on stage, crying could be heard from the audience; we were really getting to people. My part was the closing piece of the play – the video diary was supposed to leave the audience with closure and hope. When it was time, I picked up the camera and plugged it right into the projector and took a seat facing the audience. I delivered the most heart wrenching monologue, and it even made me tear up. For the first time I was loud and my tone was absolutely perfect. It was something I will never forget. I was so proud of myself. I could hear people crying – or so I thought. Some people even had to leave the auditorium! I was so pleased with myself and at that point, I could care less if we won or not, what mattered was that we went out there and gave our all and it was beautiful. When we got off stage, our adrenaline was pumping. When everything wore off, one of my cast mates came up to me and said I did an amazing job… she then informed me that my face had been scattered all over the wavy curtain! My face completely fell and once again, my ears were hot. It all made sense to me at that point – people leaving the theater, the loud crying that was actually laughter, and the giggles I got after I got off stage. I was embarrassed for about five seconds, then I began to laugh. Belly laugh, I might add. Everybody was so confused as to why I was handling it so well, but they started to laugh with me. To this day, I still laugh out loud when I tell that story. It will be there as a reminder to always laugh at myself and not to be so uptight about the little things. Life is so much better when you can learn to laugh at yourself!

Photo by roger901 on Trend hype / CC BY-SA