Questions For Myself

Picture this you are on a small island barely big enough for you to stand on, so small you can feel your own weight is causing the island to sink. That was me the end of the summer before I came to Oak Hill. When my parents told me we were looking for a new house, I was really excited because it meant new adventures. What I wasn’t expecting was to move away from Monmouth. Shortly after we bought the house we started to move in. the people were lovely and we even kept in touch with them for a while, but as we started to move in a sinking feeling set in my stomach based off of one question I voiced to myself and nobody else. “What if I can’t make new friends?” in that moment, I realized what this so short only a few miles from my old house, but yet so far of a move meant. It meant I was on that island that I previously mentioned. I was alone terrified, we settled in fine but my stomach never did. I continued to worry. Back to school shopping only made that feeling worse. It meant that I was going to have to finally face this big old question mark, this weight on my shoulder pushing me down.

As back to school shopping ended, so did the last minute shopping and that meant this was it, my first day was here. I walked up to the doors of Oak Hill middle school only to pause for a minute. Remembering this question as I slowly walked forward legs heavy as concrete, heart racing, I could hear what seemed to be every breath I took every gulp, everything. I for what felt like the first time in forever was completely and utterly terrified. I continued walking steps and breathing becoming lighter, but heart still pounding I continued to move to my advisory, I entered the room quietly hood on as I moved to the back of the room away from everyone. My adviser saw me, and to my dismay told everyone in the class not to let anyone sit alone. Almost Immediately one person got up and came over to me and we started to talk, it was nice of him to do and the pounding in my heart beat slowed and I finally started to feel better. That, however, is not where our story ends because of course advisory had to come to an end, and the rest of my day begins.

As soon as I moved into the hallway all of those feelings returned the fear the pounding of my heart all of it, but it didn’t really have time to last as a boy walked up to me and said, “you must be the new kid. Hi, I’m Jake”. timidly I replied back that I was and he told me that he and I had the exact same classes. He then told me that he was going to show me the ropes for the next few days. If you asked my first impression if this friendship would have worked out I would have said no, Jake was so outgoing and I was so introverted but even with how fearful I was he made it easier. We walked to our first period/homeroom just talking where it seemed like he was the first person to ask me how I was adjusting. I was fully honest with him and he just listened to all of it. I remember clear as day what the last thing I said to him was before we walked into class I told him “you know but through all of that meeting you I get a feeling that things will be alright.”

That’s where the story kind of ends but I often reflect on that day and moment. Without the move I would have never met some of my best friends, or grown out of my shell, but my biggest take away from that was ultimately that it’s okay to be scared, people get scared on a daily but what really matters is facing it. I was scared of a question. Which is one thing, I will never be again, especially if it is purely hypothetical. The second thing I took away was live life for the moments, if you worry about your past, how are you supposed to enjoy the present. Everyone should be looking towards their futures but not too far don’t get ahead of yourself because that is a lesson I had to learn the hard way, and it taught me that “We have to learn to walk Before we can run” – (E.L. James.) But the important thing is we don’t have to do it alone, we can pick our friends and they will walk with us, even if they themselves are ready to run. Friends form bonds tighter than family in some cases, and I am so happy I can walk with my friends, and ask as many questions as I can, yes, even if it’s dumb and they make fun of me for it.

Photo by DaddyPlus6 on Foter.com / CC BY-NC