Commencement Speech

Class of 2020,

Graduation….wow. We made it….I made it. Not going to lie, I had a lot of doubts about making it to this point. I’m sure it’s not a big surprise to many of you, especially anyone in my English class, that I have a tendency to wait to do my work till the last possible minute. Like this speech, for instance. Now, I will say my work habits improved this year…slightly, until this whole pandemic thing hit. Well, other English, I was never caught up in that class. Sorry Mr. Young. 

Doing work at home was not ever my strong suit, so being forced to do it all at home was an adjustment for sure. I’m not going to lie, I DEFINITELY slacked for the first couple months. Attended a Zoom here and there, maybe did some work, emphasis on maybe. But when May hit, boy, it got real for me. I had a month left. A MONTH! It was like a slap in the face to get my crap together. So I set to work. Catching up on all that I let build up and in doing so, I’ve learned a few things. Number 1, probably the most obvious, do your work on time and don’t put it off. Man, it sucks staying up till 1, 2, even 3 in the morning doing work only to wake up at 7 just to continue. Number 2, staying in pjs is not a good idea for me. I never seem to do much work if I don’t get dressed. Number 3, friends are the most important part of keeping me motivated. I didn’t realize it when I was still in the classroom, but having my friends around while I did work really kept me on task. Maybe because I’m not as tempted to scroll through Facebook or spend 20 minutes looking for what song I want to listen to. FaceTime has been my saving grace to fix this and I think I’ve spent more time on it in the last couple months than I have in the last year. But it’s the only way I really get to spend as much time with them like I did when we were at school, so I’m not complaining. 

I really do miss going to school, which is something I NEVER thought I’d say. When I was younger I did really like school and I was excited to go. Even ask my dad. When my brother went off to kindergarten, I cried because I wanted to go with him on that big yellow bus and go to school. I was told that I needed to wait because my time would come soon enough. And it did. A year later I was boarding the bus with AJ and I started my first year of school. For the first several years I enjoyed school a lot, and I was fairly good at it, I was in advanced classes and I was a straight A student. School came easily enough…until middle school hit. That’s where it all started going downhill. I was switched into regular classes instead of advanced ones and it quickly realized I was missing something. So while all the kids around me were going over review and flying through it, I was lost. But I felt I couldn’t say anything because I was always a ‘smart kid’ and I shouldn’t be having trouble. I thought it was my fault that I wasn’t understanding. I thought I was just stupid and that I didn’t deserve help. This quickly spread into not only my studies but all aspects of my life. When I was feeling down I wouldn’t reach out or talk to anyone. I would keep it in and let it eat away at me and never tell a soul that I was suffering.

And this went on for well into my high school years. I spent most of my time either by myself or with a few friends, never telling anyone. And it caused a lot of anxiety about almost everything. Speaking in front of people, making new friends, joining clubs, participating in activities. All of it caused incredible fear and because of it I didn’t do it a lot. I never spoke in front of a class, like for our sophomore speeches, I waited to do it after school and there were maybe 3 kids in there and I thought I was going to die. Not literally, but you know what I mean. 

All that anxiety really took its toll and it wasn’t until this pandemic hit that I realized how much I let it rule my life and I regret it now. I wish I had reached out and gotten help because there was so much I missed out on over the last 4 years. I wish I had participated in more Homecoming and Winter Carnival weeks, I wish I had been more open and social and talked to any and all the kids in my classes and become friends, I wish I had gone to more sports games or plays or concerts and supported my friends. Not letting myself open up and not feel so alone with my anxiety was a mistake, but I learned from it. This year I was finally starting to get help with things. I was in the guidance office every day it seemed with questions about college or school or just to talk, and I’m sure Mrs. Gemme and Mrs. Cloutier were getting a little sick of me. Because of them, I applied and was accepted to 13 colleges and now I’m on my way to Presque Isle with two of my best friends and I couldn’t be happier. 

As I leave high school, I want to remember the good times I did have. I want to think back and smile about all the half days we had when the school ran out of water or think back and remember the way the JMG room smelled like coins for days after the penny wars. I want to smile and feel that sense of pride that filled us all the day we FINALLY won Homecoming and I want to think back and laugh about how after that one assembly the term ‘lizard brain’ became an inside joke between us students. I will remember these, and I will remember the people around me when they were made. 

I will remember my class, the class of 2020. I hope they remember me too.

Photo on Foter.com