What Is Gone

Excuses can be all fun in games, until it becomes a mistake you’ll never be able to fix. Throughout my life, all of my grandparents have slowly moved away to Florida; except for my Nana, she always wanted to stay in Maine. She was a big family lover and enjoyed spending time with her children and grandchildren. However, I never got to see her as much as I wanted to. From already having scheduled plans, to my Nana always working; it was a struggle finding quality time to spare with her. Looking back, I realized that being busy wasn’t just an excuse, it was an ongoing mistake that resulted in me feeling guilty.

Over the past couple years, I have learned that it was okay for me to go hangout with friends and not always be at home. Although there was a perk to having more freedom, I felt like I missed out on a lot of memories I could’ve cherished forever. My Nana was a huge bingo lover; she always tried inviting me to her house to play, and even one time, she asked me to go to the actual bingo hall. All those times I had respectfully declined, I was either with my friends or family doing other things. As much as I would’ve enjoyed hanging out with my peers, I wish I would’ve known how much that one hour of bingo could have made my Nana so much happier.

Not only was bingo my Nana’s passion; going to meet her at the restaurant she worked at called Chopsticks, always put a smile on her face. Once in a while, my dad and I would take the time out of our day to go surprise her at work, which always got her excited. Chinese was and still is my favorite food; having the ability to go see my Nana there was always nice because she would get to take a break and talk to us. Her jokes and stories from when my dad was a kid were always funny to hear; I just wish I got the chance to hear them more often.

Not long after our last restaurant date, my dad got a call saying that my Nana was in the ICU and that she didn’t have much time left. That one phone call made me realize that I made not one mistake, but an ongoing one. All the times I was invited to my Nana’s house and I had chosen my friends over her. While I was out of state… I could’ve been eating lunch with her. The times I had a given opportunity to just stop by her house and say hi were now gone. I realized that I had definitely taken my grandparent for granted, and there was no turning back.

It has been two years since her passing, and I am still forever grateful, I was able to say one last goodbye to my Nana. Although this experience was hell to go through, it was also a learning experience for me. I had realized that I struggled with making time and availability for the people who truly cared about me. Making mistakes are never good, but they do make a good learning lesson.

“Graveyard Gate Kappel” by Novemberdelta is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0