Big Mistake

It was a crisp sunny day last year, my friend Max and I were cliff jumping at a quarry having a blast. I have been contemplating this for a whole 2 years of my life, I finally decided today was the day. I was gonna backflip off the 50 ft cliff. I have done many jumps in the past, many 40 ft jumps but not 50ft. This is new territory for me, a week prior I was doing a few 40 ft backflips trying to get the timing down and slow my roll. This was a big step in my life, cliff jumping is one of my biggest passions in life. When I jump I feel like I am free, weightless, and feel as though time stops. It may only be 3/4s of a second being in the air, but it feels longer like I am moving in slow motion. Today was gonna be my highest backflip yet. Max has lifeguard training so I trust him if anything goes wrong.

We made our way to the 50 ft drop, for some reason it looked a lot bigger than usual. I was remembering everything I have studied, learned, and practiced. I watched hours of people cliff jumping from heights like this just for this moment. Look at your toes as long as possible then lock your head on the water tuck and follow through with your feet. Finally, after 2 Years/ 730 Days it was time, all my hard work comes down to this jump. With a jump like this, there is no room in your head to think about “what if/ maybe I shouldn’t” you cannot think like that. If I bail at this height it will be a catastrophe. I could have my life taken, but I was ready, I had tunnel vision, I knew what I needed to do. After a long waited of me getting into focus I planted my feet on the edge, my heels inching off the 50 ft drop. I slow my breathing and close my eyes, Max is waiting for me in the water at the bottom. I feel there is somebody standing within 6 inches in front of me. The only way to go is backward, I had some doubt, maybe I couldn’t, what if’s started to pop into my head. I tried my hardest to get rid of them but they stayed in my head. It’s all I could think about, I knew I had to do this right now or never. After about 5 minutes of max floating in the water, I open my eyes and look behind me, then at my feet. I take the leap of faith, I did it I’m in the air, floating in the air belly to the sky like I’m being lifted up towards the heavens. Time slows, I feel free again, nothing weighing on me, I’m in my element. I start going upside down, my feet slowly going above my head, I can’t bail. I look behind me to the deep dark water 40 ft below me. Like a hole that never ends, I lock my head onto the water and pull my feet down. Uh oh, I’m too early. I start to panic and my heart sinks into the deepest it can go. I instantly spread my body out to slow my motion, it does but not enough. I overrotate just a tad bit and slap my back and my arms onto the water. My breathing seizes under the water, all this pressure on me, and I cannot take a breath. What feels like forever I swim to the surface trying to not gasp for air. Max sees me at the surface and asks “Are you okay?” My response is delayed, “My… m…my back hurts.” I’m saying all this while trying to breathe. I made it back to land and I knew. Always be ready for anything.

You can never be prepared for everything, that’s what I learned. This has been proved time and time again. I put countless hours into this jump and it didn’t go as planned. Nothing I could’ve done would have prepared me for that. If you never try something you can never get good at it. Don’t beat yourself up for something you can’t control. Trust me I did that, it was not fun.

“Cliff Jumping” by Dennis Barnes is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0