Patience in Sound

Misophonia is a mental illness that often stems from anxiety and is associated with sensitivity to sound where certain sounds can cause frustration, anger, overstimulation or even panic attacks. A lot of the sounds are completely unavoidable like chewing, tapping, clicking, typing or whispering. Those are just a few examples of the sounds that bother me. I have Misophonia, and it has really been a test to my patience.

Growing up with Misophonia, I had to change the way I did things. I can’t remember whether I was born with it or if it developed, but it’s been around for as long as remember. It doesn’t sound all that bad at first, until it hinders and puts strains on the relationships you have. For example, I hate going out to eat with people because one of them might be chewing with their mouth open, or a nearby table could be eating chips as loud as can be. In this instance, no one else at the table will hear it, but it’ll be the only thing I can think about, and I’ll often have to remove myself by leaving or going to the bathroom to calm down. Obviously, it seems overdramatic, but for some reason, every time I hear sounds like that, I start to panic and my brain blocks out any thought other than that exact sound.

People around me get mad at me all the time because I’ll ask them to chew with their mouths closed or stop clicking their pen. I guess it kills the mood or something along those lines, and it makes me feel bad for asking. I feel the worst when people are whispering and I can’t focus so I typically just try to remove myself from the situation to avoid someone getting mad at me. Why should I ask people to change the way they do things just because I find it a little annoying?

Being patient is huge in this. Trying to ignore someone’s chewing, tapping or clicking takes a lot of patience and I can ignore it quite often. Last night I went to dinner with an old friend who I barely get to see anymore, and we went to a Mexican restaurant. I never said anything about the chips or him biting his fork because it wasn’t as important to be as it normally is. There are some days, however, when I wake up and just know it’s going to be a bad day and those sounds are the only things I’ll be able to focus on. On those days I have to be extra patient because it’s rare that I actually do say anything.

From having Misophonia, I’ve learned that being patient, even if it gives me migraines or panic attacks, can save friendships and relationships. To me, friendships have always been more important to me, so I’m willing to be patient and wait until the class is over, or until everyone is done eating.

Where I’m at today with patience is much better than where I used to be. I used to immediately leave or repeatedly ask people to stop. This caused a lot of hindrance and frusteration on both sides. Now, I wait for a while before I kindly ask people to stop (if I ask at all) or I wait until I feel physicall drained to leave. Since there’s no way to cure/stop Misophonia, those are really the only things I can do. It’s not much but I have been taught a lot about patience from it.