Learning to Walk

It all started on October 10th, 2019, a Thursday afternoon. The silly saying of “Are you today’s date because you’re a 10 out of 10!” was being heard left and right throughout the entire school building. It was definitely a pick me up when I was told that. My day was going swell and I had big plans set that night after my soccer game, so all I wanted to do was play against Carrabec and then get back home. Like I said before, the day was going good. The bus ride there was long but there was plenty of laughter as the team bonded. I genuinely thought that day could have gone down as perfect in my books. Unfortunately, I had spoken too soon, go figure.

Carrabec’s soccer team played what seemed to be a strong six defensive line; and it was almost impossible to penetrate. The whole first half we tried over and over again, but we couldn’t make it through. Finally, there was an opportunity for me to slide in. I believe there was only 9 minutes left in the game so if I was going to make it happen, it had to be now. I received a long pass from a teammate that was sent up and over into open space. I hauled butt to get there first. When I say I gave it my all, I mean I gave it my all. As I was running, I was going head on with the goalie. Her solution to stopping the ball was dropping all of her body weight onto my leg as I’m sprinting full force towards the net. Sure enough I snapped both my tibia and fibula, clean break.

The pain that I felt right then and there was unbearable. Everything in me was in panic mode. I couldn’t stop the screams or the tears pouring down my face. I thought I had been hurt before, but that was a whole new level of pain. I couldn’t tell what was really going on. I knew the pain was coming from my shin, but I told myself there was no way I could have broken my leg. It wasn’t until I looked down at my dangling and lifeless foot connected to a dent in my leg to realize that this was in fact, reality. It took a surgery accompanied by a titanium rod, four screws, and five days in the hospital for me to get back home. The pain only got worse and the fear of never being the same was always lingering around me.

At first I couldn’t do anything on my own. Trying to use a walker with my boot was no good. I was too weak to even handle that. My physical therapist in the hospital also pointed out that you don’t see very many 15-year-olds with walkers no matter the situation; that forced me to learn how to use crutches. I used to always play with them when I was younger. I had always said “I wish I had crutches. They are so fun!” I can’t even look at them anymore without feeling some type of rage. The point is, I had to learn how to walk all over again. The crutches and my left leg was the only way I could travel for about two months. Slowly, I could use both feet, then just one crutch till finally I needed no crutches at all. I remember how awkward it felt to remove each item from my now natural way of walking. The weirdest part was when I was told, I don’t need the boot anymore.

I felt like no one could even breathe around me when I was bootless. I was so worried that even too strong of air was going to snap my bones out of place again. I was in constant fear that I would hurt my leg again. I started up physical therapy so I could strengthen my atrophy leg muscles. Man would my physical therapist beat on me. He showed me that I really didn’t have anything to worry about. I could run, jump, kick, and smack around my leg all day, but I had to get over the fear of being hit first. I did really good by the time I was finished. The issue then became, how am I going to play soccer?

I will never forget my first practice back. Within the first minute I started to run and boom, knee first into the ground. I was so mad. I started to cry because one, yes I fell and it hurt -for about thirty seconds let me remind you- but two, I was more embarrassed about what had happened. The feeling of failure and the desire to give up right then and there was overwhelming. As coach was checking on me, I remember saying, “I can’t do this. I don’t want play anymore.” He was really understanding and basically told me I should do what I’m most comfortable with but that I shouldn’t give up that easily, and I didn’t. I came back and kicked butt because I was stronger than ever. Maybe not junior me but senior year, dubs only. I had to grow not only physically but also mentally in order to keep up in the game.

There was a long amount of rehab time to get me from disabled to back on my feet. At the time it had felt like the worst thing that had ever happened to me, but now I can’t imagine where I would be without that experience. It taught me a lot of important lessons and how to care for myself. All in all I think I am stronger now today, rod and all, then if I had never broken my leg. Like they always say, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and I one hundred percent agree with that statement. I mean I am after all living proof of that. Cheers to soccer being one of the most important things in my life.

“Walk away(Wong Kar-Wai)” by lo_lozd is marked with CC BY 2.0.