Untrusting

The time I felt different was when I compared myself to others. This was not a good time since I was going through a breakup. I felt as if I was alone with no one to help me and that nobody would understand the strong sudden change that I encountered and the emotions that all come with it. I started pushing everyone away. I took a lot of time observing others’ actions and behavior closely since I had lost all of my trust in everyone. What caused this feeling of difference was when I lost all of my trust in the person I sought when I needed help, gave everything to, and had told everything to. That made it hard to believe others wouldn’t do the same to me.

I perceived during this stretch of time I couldn’t trust a single person. The difference I had felt before my breakup and after impacted the way I saw people. Watching others make the same mistake I had made hurt watch. People at school tell others their secrets and asking not to tell. They would go and spread it as fast as they could even after promising not to. A partner would lie to someone they promised to be truthful to couples who were fighting over the trust that builds a relationship. This made me feel even worse trying to trust people. I felt different from these people because they had no clue what was coming, I did. This affected me because I would know either the guy or girl would be unfaithful and it would spiral. This hurt me to watch. I could see the outcome of their situations before they could. Then they would break up with each other. This enhanced the feeling of not being able to believe others’ promises. The purpose of watching others go through these same mistakes was to see other people go through the same thing as me. They would break bonds, and promises, and make it seem like no one can be loyal to their other friend or partner. Over time, however, these people changed, they apart turned into different people, which is something I can relate to. Taking time and space from others does impact a person’s mindset. I had already been through this. I knew who I could offer my trust to and not.

I felt different then but learned in the long run that not everyone is the same and that I’m not the only one who has felt differently before. I’m not the only one who can see these situations happening or developing, and not the only one who has felt different. I’m not the only one who had experienced the pain and loneliness a breakup comes with. I brought people back into my life after months of healing and I stopped pushing people away. I felt better I felt good for the first time in a while, This is because I became a new person. I became a different changed person through the events I had watched and been through. I had found out not everyone is bad. I started seeing the good things. I learned that Not everyone breaks trust and is dishonest to the other person, seeing this makes me even more confident now.

“One person walking” by lovestruck. is marked with CC BY-NC 2.0.

“A couple slides down the snowy hill, city lights, Space Needle, view of Queen Anne Hill, Gas Works Park, Lake Union, Wallingford / Fremont, Seattle, Washington, USA” by Wonderlane is marked with CC0 1.0.