Repeated Gratefulness

When I was a little kid, I would see my mom pray. And from as young as I could remember, me and my sister would pray with her when we were little, despite the fact that we didn’t exactly know what it meant. But now, me and my sister dont pray, I don’t exactly know when it stopped. We used to do it together, then alone, and now not at all. But one thing didn’t change, which was, my mother still prays. My mother prays because of her religion, Buddishm, and never were me and my sister forced to, but it was encouraged. My mother used to pray both in the morning, and at night, despite her busy and torturous hours of working. But now she only prays once- at night. She prays at night because it’s quiet, it’s her down time, she can relax and is in no hurry, and most of all- she’s not hungry. 

My mother prays because it makes her feel grateful. I questioned her when she started praying. “Praying is something I was taught- since I was at school and at home.” It made me wonder if she felt forced to continue praying, since she was taught it since childhood. Like my father who was a Christian since he was young, but once he got older and left, he also left Christianity. But once interviewing her more, it was clear that she did this for herself and for others. Rather, it was not something she disliked, it was quite the opposite. I had also asked her why she kept praying, “It’s my belief, it gives me comfort, it reminds me about the things I am grateful for.” I have lived with and known my mother for my whole life, and so I have seen her ups and downs, her tough times and her good times. For me, I’ve always known her to pray, and I’m so glad praying is something she can look to, for answers and comfort, since I know  how hard she has worked in her life and how difficult it had been. 

Not so long ago, only a few years, my mom was working 16 or more hours, seven days a week, just to keep us afloat. She owned a business, and even when my father was alive, she was the hard worker. My father might have been the face of the store, but my mother was the backbone. She would have to go in early, when the sky was dark and then we’d have to leave late, once the sky was dark again. I have vivid memories of sitting on the carpet in our home, on our knees, repeating a prayer my mom had taught me and my sister. There were multiple repeated lines, and then we could pray for whatever we wanted. I always tried to pray fast, since my mother was very speedy at it. I remember praying about our store and my father, that we could all be happy. I don’t know if I ever believed in it, but I do remember it keeping me calm and comforting me in stressful times. Which is why I’m happy it could do the same for my mother, who I feel I owe everything to. Despite having to work long hours, take care of two small children, (and a husband) she always had time to pray. And sometimes I wonder what she prayed for during those times. 

It was a year or so ago. My mom had told me the news that there was a potential buyer for the store. She asked for a hug, and I wasn’t much of a hugger, but of course I agreed. And she sobbed. My mother doesn’t cry. In fact she barely used to laugh, but I’m glad things have changed. She sobbed, and broke down. This is what she had been hoping for, for years. For well over a decade, and finally here was the chance. I only remember repeating one phrase as we hugged ‘You deserve this.’ I was surprised that I started crying too, my head was empty at the time, this was something I never thought would happen, and I’m sure my mother didn’t either. Nowadays, luckily my mother only has to work four days a week, and now with reasonable hours. Her daily routine consists of; getting up at 3:30am, gets dressed and ready for work, she stretches, drinks coffee, and attends to our cat and dog, Juno and Achilles respectively. She works from 4:30am to 1:00pm, and when she gets home, she plays with Achilles and eats lunch. She does some house chores and relaxes before preparing dinner. She showers before making and eating dinner with the family and feeding the pets. We spend time together before she gets ready for bed. And last but not least, she prays before sleeping and starting all over again. 

While I was going to interview my mother outside, she actually brought a book called “The Opposite of Namaste” By Timber Hawkeye, a man who created “Buddhist Boot Camp.” Buddhist Bootcamp is something my mother follows. He is all about practicing mindfulness, and says his intention is to awaken, enlighten, enrich, and inspire. He has multiple books, videos and a podcast from my knowledge. My mother loves this guy and his teachings. The last question I asked her was about how important praying was to her, and what it means to her. Her response was; “To me praying is important to help me get through tough times- because praying is part of my belief, and my belief is what gives me strength.” 

I admire my mother a lot. I admire the determination and strength that she’s had throughout her life. I can only imagine how much her religion and her practices have impacted her life for the better.I hope she finds what she seeks for in life, and that she’s successful on her own terms. I could learn a lot from her, from her religion and her ways of life, should I take the time. I can only hope happiness continues in her life, because that’s what she deserves.

“Pray” by craighamnett is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0.