This is Real, This is Msmith23

When Msmith23 was asked to create an avatar that represented who she was and what she cared about most she did it without a second thought, confident that she knew exactly who she was and what had made her. Her avatar ended up being her through a drawing, it had a border of black with colorful puzzle piece corners, with a Monster logo, music notes, and a heart with a heartbeat in the center.

Msmith23 created her avatar starting with a black border surrounding everything, when I asked her what this represented (though I could make assumptions), she told me it symbolized darkness. Darkness to her is “where she can be herself” and can go to think and decompress. In the corners of the border are colorful puzzle pieces that are the symbol of autism. She used this element in her avatar to show the love she has for her brother. When we were discussing the meaning she mentioned that she looked up to her younger brother due to the many lessons he has “taught [her] in patience and tolerance” he may have also taught her that she does not want to have kids of her own. Younger siblings are a handful already. The inside of the border consists of a green “M” that represents the Monster logo, “the original, my favorite” as Msmith23 puts it, and some musical notes showing the significance of music in her

life. Msmith23 told me that the music symbols had to be a part of her avatar because music saved her life. Music has “helped her realize who [she] is”. The next element in her avatar is a heart that has lines going toward the center of it. This represents Msmisth23’s best friend “Potato” or so she likes to sometimes call her. “Potato” plays a huge role in Msmith23’s life and this is one of the tattoos that said friend has. The final piece of this avatar is the line that shows a heartbeat, this is drawn in blue to show the sadness she felt. It is located in the middle of the heart tattoo. This represents the birth and loss of someone very important Msmith23, this was a pivotal moment in her life.

My favorite part of Msmith23’s avatar was the heartbeat. I envy how open she can be about who she is and the major life events that she has gone through. It could not have been easy to talk about yet she still shared the true meaning of what it meant to her with me. It was a lovely addition to her avatar and it helped to pull the piece together and utilize all of the space given.

Talking to Msmith23 about the creation of her avatar helped me to understand that we did not have the same process when creating the avatars that represent us(even if they ended up looking somewhat similar). I was more of the things that I was liking at the moment (other than my family, family forever) and she was more everything that she was made of. Msmith23 had symbols for things that actually made a big impact on her life. Sure, she also had the Monster logo in there but everything else had meaning behind it, more than it just being something that she enjoyed doing or listening to every now and again. At the end of talking to her about her process and the meaning behind everything I was able to discern just how much she cares about each and every one of these things equally (including the Monster).

“Monster Energy” by JeepersMedia is licensed under CC BY 2.0.