No stupid question

When I was 14-years old and still in my early teenage years, I changed schools to a school that was several times larger than the small private school I had attended for the past 7 years. Classrooms sizes were much larger than I was used to going from 10 or so students to 18 or more and I knew only a handful of the other students. Math class was a class in which I knew not a single person. During this class I struggled to understand the lessons, but other students seemed to have not issues. It was like it just came easy to them. Where I did not know anyone and I was embarrassed that I was not as smart as the other students, I was terrified to ask questions when I was confused because of how foolish this would make me look in front of my class. This was a every other day occurrence for me and continued for the entire year I was at this school! It was almost immediately that I would find myself in a complete cloud of confusion. I would think about asking my teacher for help and I would wait and wait for the perfect time to ask her. During these moments of anxiety and fear of embarrassment, I could feel my heart beat increase, my palms get sweaty, and my stomach sometimes even felt nauseas. All of these terrible physical feelings, held me back from asking my questions. If I raised my hand in class I would look stupid. Like the class dummy. I just could not bring myself to ask any questions. This would draw negative attention to myself and I was just too embarrassed to even utter a word. I knew I had to overcome my fear, or I was going to fail the class. The other students looked like they just naturally understood. I could not even get up the nerve to ask my fellow classmates for help, because I was afraid they too would think I was a fool. They were taking notes and asking questions for them looked easy. Finally one day, a classmate asked me for help! I was shocked that she thought I was smart enough to help her, when in fact I was sure I was more lost than her! She never knew that she helped me to overcome my fears, but just by her asking me that one question on that day, I was able to see that I was not alone in needing to ask for help.

That day things changed for me. I felt like all of the fear I had built up was not obviosu to others and they did not see that I had a lack of confidence after all. That day, I decided to ask my teacher for help during math class. At that moment I felt such a release of pressure. My anxiety decreased and I finally felt like I could participate! My classmate helped me to realize my fears were silly. She helped me to work through the anxiety that caused my heart rate to increase, my palms to sweat, and my stomach to ache. I finally could stop worrying every day and ask the questions that I needed to ask in class.

“Finger face with a question” by Tsahi Levent-Levi is licensed under CC BY 2.0.