Just Me

“New grade, new school, new life”, this is what I told myself when I woke up. “I can do this, there’s nothing to be scared of”. I was starting middle school. I had moved to the area five months earlier but finished sixth grade at my old elementary school. This was only my third time going inside Oak Hill Middle School, and I was terrified.

To start my morning, I had to go to advisory. I sat down in a random classroom waiting for the bell to ring. It never did. After the teacher realized that I was not supposed to be in her class, which I was not aware had already started, she looked me up in the system and told me where I needed to go. “Great, it’s my first day and I’m late for my first class”. I make my way to the classroom and the teacher asks me where I had been. I explain to her that today was my first day and didn’t realize that class had already started. She told me not to worry about it, and we went on like nothing ever happened.

Later that day, I walked into another class of mine and looked for a seat. I settled on an empty table with a bunch of chairs around it. A few minutes later, a tall, dark haired girl came up and asked if she could sit with me. I said yes and she and her friend sat down. The tall girl told me that her name was Sierra and her friend’s name was Meghan. Sierra asked me different questions about myself and we talked until class started.

Lunchtime was the worse! I walked into the cafeteria and saw at least one hundred kids if not more. I panicked and didn’t know what to do. I just stood there, looking around, and then I spotted Sierra and Meghan. I walked up to them and asked if I could sit with them and they said yes. We ate our lunch and then went out to recess. I pretty much just followed them around while they talked to their friends. 

After a few weeks, I made my own friends and started drifting away from Sierra and Meghan. I still talked to them, just not as often. I was closer to Sierra than Meghan and Meghan did not like that. This was when things started to take a turn. It started with Meghan trying to outcast me, and not let me talk to Sierra. This annoyed me a little, but I didn’t let it bother me. Then the looks and remarks came. She would walk by me and give me a look as if she was disgusted. Now, I just want to note that I was not one of those gross, smelly middle schoolers. I showered every day, brushed my teeth every day, and wore clean clothes every day. I know for a fact that I was not gross, and this was her way of trying to get in my head. It bothered me a little but I tried my best not to worry about it.

This is where things get really bad. It was about halfway through the year. It started with walking by me and using a tissue and elastic to make a mask because I was “contagious”. She would do this in front of everyone, which embarrassed me. Then it progressed to harassing me about the clothes I wore, saying they were offending her, even though I was wearing nothing wrong or offensive. Anytime she would get in trouble, she would come up to me and start screaming because she thought that I was the one who got her in trouble. She would blame me for her getting dress coded, in trouble for cheating, in trouble for swearing, and a whole bunch of other things. I tried to explain to her that I wasn’t the one who turned her in, but she didn’t believe me. 

This is when the mocking began. Every single day she would find me outside or in the halls and harass me about being a Christian. She would not only say horrible things to me but also mocked me. She would get down on the ground and “worship satan” (And no, it was not her beliefs, because she only did this when I was around). She would purposely say things that she knew were against my beliefs (like saying the Lord’s name in vain) over and over again. I tried to be nice but it wasn’t helping.

I went home every day crying, sad that this was what I was going to have to deal with until I graduated high school. My mom was either calling the principal or in his office every week, begging him to do something. Every time, all he would say was “I’ll talk to her”. Clearly just talking to her wasn’t working. It was only when my mom threatened to get the cops involved that he finally suspended her. 

There were two weeks left of school when she got suspended. I watched her walk out of the building, dreading her return. Thankfully, I never saw her again. She moved to Lewiston and started going to school there. 

Looking back now, I can see that her behavior towards me was not because of hatred, but rather because of a lack of love from her family, and wanting attention from others. I wish I could tell her that I forgive her, that I understand why she behaved that way. But that doesn’t make her actions excusable. She made my seventh grade year a living hell for me. It took me a long time to get passed everything that she said and to trust my classmates. No one stood up for me when they saw her bullying me, they only laughed. I felt so alone, so helpless.

As much as I hate that I had to go through that, I am glad I did. It gave me a backbone. I can now stand up for myself. I don’t let people walk on me anymore, instead I stand up for what I believe in. It also taught me a lot about empathy and compassion. I know what it feels like to be an outcast and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. I now know how to stand up for myself and others.

Photo credit belongs to “Quote: Bullying sucks!” by quotecatalog is licensed under CC BY 2.0.