Somethings can’t be controlled

A few family members of mine and a few other people I work with have dementia, which is a horrible disease that causes the brain to start losing its function and it slowly steals away their memories until they are just a shell of the person you originally knew. It usually starts with the person affected forgetting small things on occasion. As the dementia progresses they begin to forget where they are, and what they are doing and forget memories both short term and long term. They often forget what they say in conversations and often repeat the same topics over and over again. In later stages, the brain fully shuts down, often causing a person to forget how to talk, and how to breathe, and can cause the brain to stop telling the heart to pump. It is incredibly sad to watch someone decline and have the person they once were almost fully disappear. I have found that it takes a lot of patience and understanding because this decline process can be frustrating for a person with dementia when they know they forgot something or get aggravated when people try to help, or confusing when they don’t recognize someone. 

One family member, in particular, used to be able to be a smart, caring, and very active individual. She used to love going outside and walking around the neighborhood for hours getting fresh air and talking to people and she loved taking pride in caring for her home. When her mind first started slipping she was still able to stay home alone when other family members were away at work, would do all of the housework, and would still take long daily strolls around the neighborhood. Unfortunately, dementia took hold and progressed to the point where she started to wander outside and often became confused about where she was and where she was going. She began to be forgetful about how to do household chores, often putting dishes in the wrong cupboards along with other random Items, repeatedly sweeping the floors, and forgetting how to fold laundry. As her memory deteriorated, it was no longer safe for her to stay home alone, so the decision was made for someone to be home with her at all times when my aunt wasn’t able to home with her the decision was made to have me stay with her to keep her safe.

A lot of the time she wanders outside and she doesn’t remember where she is. When I ask her where she is going, she will say: “I want to go home.” In these instances, I try to be patient with her and redirect her. Instead of telling her: “this is your home”, which can cause distress and confusion, I will just walk up and down their long driveway with her, keeping her company and making sure she is safe. While walking she would often ask me things like what grade I was in now, what I have been up to, etc. often repeating the same questions many times. when getting to the end of the driveway I often redirect her to go back towards the house by saying; “we should go back now” or “Hey, I wonder what is this way?” More often than not this gets her to come back and by that time she is usually tired from all of the walking and wants to go sit down. In the Summer after these walks she likes to go sit on the swinging chair they have outside of their house, last summer she loved seeing the hummingbirds fly all around the flowers out front. One of the days we were sitting on this swing and she saw a deer and its baby standing in the driveway, she pointed it out to me and talked a little about it later that day. Now that it is winter, we can’t go outside as much as we used to due to the icy conditions and the concern of possible fall risks, and she is stuck inside pacing around the house. I look forward to summer when it comes, so we can go back to walking in the fresh air and she can have more options to help the day be more enjoyable and give some sense of normalcy.

Sometimes she gets confused and paces around inside the house looking lost and I can redirect her to another task by asking her to help me with different chores like sweeping the floor, folding laundry, or even washing dishes. I often ask her if she wants to watch something on TV with me, to get her mind focused on something else to help pass the time. She likes watching kids’ cartoons that she finds cute. When I ask her if she will watch a show with me, she will sit and laugh about what the characters are doing in the show. She seems to understand what is happening and small moments like that are amazing to witness. She will often sit for hours on end watching shows like “Paw Patrol” and “Hamster & Gretel’.’ Having patience with her and redirecting her to something familiar to her or something she enjoys seems to work well most of the time. It takes a lot of patience to work with someone with this disease and help them do everyday tasks. I try to keep an upbeat attitude and have fun joking with her. She loves joking around and playing pranks. She often becomes entertained with things like; throwing wrapping paper at people during Christmas, throwing pillows at people, watching hummingbirds fly in the flowers, or seeing the deer that were standing in the driveway, etc. She seems to enjoy this and often whenever I see her she tells people “I like that girl”, which makes me feel like I’m doing something. Sometimes it does become overwhelming and stressful, especially on days when she is more confused, but I do my best to be patient and caring. She was and still is a very nice person and it is awful to see what this disease does to a person I know that her decline is stressful and confusing to her too. Having patience with her is the least I can do to help alleviate some of the stress I’m sure she feels daily.

“Neighborhood walk” by Jim_Nix is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0.

“Grandma’s hands” by McBeth is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.