Should we Question Everything?

I have gone through my many years of school I have asked many questions some rude, silly, or just simply meaningless questions over my four years of high school and as a response to my questions something bad happened some worse than others, letting them stay stuck in my mind, as well as look back on my questions and ask what if?

As I look back on my questions there are so many questions I regret asking, so many needless pains, but in the end, there is no real point in crying about what’s done. but even so I ask myself what if? What if I said something else? Or what would it change and how?

As I ask myself these questions nothing really changes all it ever starts is just more questions in my mind. Even as I’ve grown to be less fearful of the world around me, I still question so many of my mistakes sometimes through the night I just think about my mistakes until night comes to an end and the day begins.

There are three questions that come to mind that filled my mind with questions. One question being, are we even still friends, this little question I have used to push so many people away, created from the paranoia of a past life, this little question, has hurt me and a few others and the question itself has made a few days filled with mixed emotions as how could a person respond to such a thing there is no good answer to that question no response would have made me happy as it was fear that made me ask the question and it was fear that gave me, my own interpretation of their answer. Then I just broke ties with them never to talk to them again, I can see now I was wrong, letting the pain of a past life control me and my past emotions. Another of the many somewhat dumb questions I have asked is why do you care? The context for this question is that I had become obsessed with punishing myself for the mistakes of the past I wanted nothing to do with. I know now that there was no point. I was very clearly in the wrong, punishing myself needlessly, for the things I have done in the past. Though in my opinion, it was definitely a bit silly of me to get so upset at myself, what I did was wrong, but that’s no reason to punish yourself. Now the third question that I regret asking is when “I asked what’s the point in this?” this is me asking a teacher what was the point of something and he responded by making me look like a fool. At the moment I was obviously angry at the teacher at the time it happened. But now that I look back on it I can see that I did kind it was deserved, even though it did hurt at the time I am not upset that it happened. It’s not in my nature to hold grudges against people for things they do to me.

As I have grown I would like to say that I have accepted the flaws of the past by asking all the wrong questions. But I know now that may not be too truthful, as it’s more like a way for me to ignore the past by just focusing on the future instead of treating the wounds that were left from the past, letting it bleed out more and more and hurting in the present and the future. As I asked all of those silly questions that just made me seem crazy or foolish. I realize now just how silly some of them are but I also know questioning yourself sometimes is not a bad thing. It is just how you do it there is no need to hurt yourself or others with questions that are just plain weird, born from a dark fear. This year of high school also my last one, while it may have been a bit late I would like to think that I have come to terms with the past for now at least, so hopefully I can start to heal.

“confused dog” by [blu:]skin is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.