The Laugh that changed me

The story all begins back in middle school, when everyone was just figuring out that they are more interested in the opposite sex typically and kind of forgot all about that cooties fad from elementary school. Many of us kids started getting “cuffed” as those rapscallions would call it nowadays, yet this was a confusing time because most of us were raised seeing men and women so that’s what they try to simulate. I followed suit with this and started dating a girl in 6th grade. I knew I was into girls from that point on, yet something just felt off when I would see attractive boys and I couldn’t tell why I felt that way. I kept this feeling inside and tucked away as if I could hide it from myself. Freshman year introduces a character vital to the story, I started dating a girl named Kermit. She was great and I was really into her, we ended up staying together for around a year but during that time I made the scary decision and this is how it plays out.

It was April of freshman year and I was feeling very comfortable in my own skin, it was time for me to finally tell someone, but who would I confide in? This was extremely difficult to find out and the first day of looking for someone did not end well because of my extreme anxiety about the situation. Yet I held my head high and kept on trying the next day, on day 2 I came close to telling my brother but never went through with it and that was my only attempt that day. I was desperate but scared, for the next 4 days I sat there miserable and unable to bring myself to say I was bisexual to anyone. I was emotional and Kermit was worried about me, so I asked her if I could confide in her and she agreed so we found somewhere private to talk and I explained it out to her. I told her that I am attracted to boys, and explained that I had felt that way since I first started dating back in middle school. I told her that I was still into her and that it wouldn’t change anything at all. I was immediately scared when Kermit didn’t respond but instead just stared at me like I was lying and then she actually asked me if I was kidding and to stop pranking her. My face got extremely cherry red and I told her again what I had stated before. It was useless at this point because she got extremely upset and told me some extremely nasty words. I was called a failed creation of god, a fa**ot, a whore, the stereotype for bisexuals is that we are unloyal and sleep around because we like both sexes. Kermit then proceeds to push me away and told me I deserve to burn in hell with all the other fa**ots. Now I am sorry for the language but for it to be understood how I took it then it needs to be said like that.

The laugh comes a day after everything and when I realized that if she wanted to be a homophobic prick then let her but don’t date her anymore, cause it ain’t my problem. I started to cry as I laughed because it really took off the mental pain of trying to come out and getting completely rejected. I am glad that I had plenty of loving friends who cared for me and made sure I was okay at one of my lowest points. I laughed it off and my attitude started to change over the following months, I was being very positive about my bisexuality and saw the social worker here at school for a short time because I knew she was a very very great human being that I could confide in. Laughing really helped me out and I still laugh about it till this day so I do not get angry or upset about it. Not everyone in life is gonna treat me how I want to and that was a valuable lesson I learned from dating Kermit and coming out to her. My ability to laugh it off and say f you to that homophobe was one of the best feelings I have had and I am very proud of myself to this day for finally coming out.

Photo by salanki on Trends Hype / CC BY