Find Yourself

Dear class of 2020,

What I am talking about in my speech is how I had changed myself for the better and just wanted to make a huge difference in my life and in the long run it worked out. Freshman year I was pretty skinny and always looked up to my best friend’s brother Evan because he was lifted every morning and he just always looked muscular and big in all his clothes and I had thought to myself that is how I want to look my senior year. Things that had happened throughout my freshman year was my motivation for doing school work was not there because even in middle school I had always failed at least one or two classes. So I had thought to myself that man I will get it done in another year, so my freshman year I had failed two classes each semester. FLiP was definitely different to me because I was used to playing dodge ball and playing fun games during gym class instead of busting my butt cheeks off to get my heart rate up as soon as possible by running the whole time, like maybe if I was running during a game it would be more enjoyable instead of legit running from courtside to courtside. English was completely different than what I had expected, end of the story I had failed English my freshman year…both semesters sadly. See my freshman year I was a big slacker, all I did was eat unhealthy snacks all the time, shoot my shots with girls, hang out with the boys, and forget school was even a thing. Then Sophomore year came around and that was the hardest year for me. That year I had started to lift and had an attempt to fix my bad habits, then I got my technically first-ever girlfriend which lasted 9 months. I got into the relationship with the girl I had a crush on ever since she moved to Oak Hill in eighth grade which I thought was pretty sick nasty if you ask me. That relationship had ruined me, due to my own actions too. I put her over everything else, so my grades started to fall back down, me going to the weight room was no longer a thing, my main focus was this girl. I think to myself to this day “was it worth it” and no, no it was not worth giving up everything for this girl. Another reason why the sophomore year was just a bad year for me was that I got into vaping, smoking pot, drinking, and when I say I was in the worst shape of my life, I really really mean it.

What made those habits grow worse was when my mom randomly told me that my current father that I have known since I was a baby was not my real dad. It shattered me not only because she told me and it hurt a little but her reasoning to tell me was because she got mad at my father who raised me. It fucked me up big time. I continued to smoke, drink and just live this wildlife and date this girl and I had thought I was happy with everything in life, but really everything from smoking to dating this girl was just to cover up my pain and I just needed something to keep me together and keep myself stable. Sophomore year I had failed another two classes each semester, I felt like I was a disappointment, to be honest, and no, I have never been depressed in my life but I felt like I was close to being depressed to my close friend Ausborn just gave me a helping hand and helped me collect myself. Over the summer of the last semester of Sophomore year my girlfriend and I had broken up not once, but twice. You know who helped me through that was my close friend Ausy. I appreciate that guy a lot. He told me over the summer that I don’t need her and that when this summer is over we will go to the weight room every morning. You know what we did, we went every morning once school opened up. Starting up my junior year was my first ever season of football which was the beginning of a new chapter of my life. The weight room was getting more and more fun as my strength went up. It boosted my confidence and as I start my day in the weight room it means I will have a great mindset throughout the day.

I was consistent with everything throughout my Junior year then I had got my second girlfriend which I did not stop going to the weight room for her or start up any drug habits, but I did choose her over the boys a lot which I do regret and have learned not to do. I think I only failed one semester of English that year and failed something else in the second semester. So instead of failing two each semester I am down to one which is a great accomplishment to me. I felt more focused on my classes Junior year, I felt more connected and that I was actually motivated only because of the weight room which I would have never started if it wasn’t for my best friend Ausborn or his brother Evan that I inspire to be. I never got a chance to go to my Junior prom because I and that girl after six months spit apart. So I decided I’ll go next year to my senior prom…Junior summer hits I but my ass in the weight room every day, I still got up at five in the morning to lift, I was that dedicated that I was not going to stop once summer hit, I push through that feeling of “oh I do not have to get up at 5 AM because it is summer vacation and there’s no school” and push my body to new limits and I’d say it had paid off.

So once Senior year hit I felt the strongest I have ever felt and my first semester of senior year I had passed everything and made up every inch of work and had roughly 23 credits and I never felt so accomplished in my life. Mrs. Rose had once told me freshman year that you will find yourself throughout high school and that one day will be there just be patient and I had done just that, I had found the weight room which had puzzled me back together and fix my mindset and I have never once thought of negativity since I have always been the happy guy but even the happy guy can feel sad at times. I am not on the edge of passing both my semesters of classes without failing and I have never felt so good of myself. You’ll find yourself through highschool you just need to branch out and try new things in order to do so because if you do not try new things and still with the same failing plan then what is the point of finishing highschool if you can not make the change to help you finish it.  

Photo on Foter.com / Photo on Foter.com