Learning About Patience

I’m a very impatient person, I’ve always been the type of person to just want to get the job done, and not have to do extra steps or tasks to finish what needed to be done. Find the easiest solution to a problem and figure it out from there. I always like to say that I get my small patience from my dad (which is true), but I’ve always used it as an excuse to get along in life. I’ve never tried to change and I’ve never been open to change.

A person who taught me about patience was my ex-girlfriend, we will call her Jelly bean. (not sure why just roll with it.) Jelly bean suffers from depression, as have I. I on the other hand am the type of person to bottle it up and put it aside and not reopen that bottle until it’s about to burst and then let a little out and continue to bottle it back up. (I’ve learned that was not healthy and have since recovered and grown.) Jelly bean, well she is similar in that aspect but instead, you could visibly tell that she was unwell. And instead of talking to me about it so that I could attempt to help her, she would just shut me out. This obviously didn’t sit well with me considering first off you need communication in order for a relationship to work, and second because I’m a bit of a control freak and feel the constant need to fix everything that comes my way. And with me being this way, it was very frustrating to see that someone I love struggling to do what some may say are simple day to day tasks such as eating three meals, drinking water, showering, sleeping regularly, etc.

So after about 2 months of this, I gave up. Because I was impatient and thought that since I couldn’t fix her problems at that moment that I was no help and was wasting her time. So I left her. I realized after that that was a mistake. Because what I may have seen as me not being much help to her she saw as I was helping her heal. I realized after that someone coming into her life and then abruptly leaving may have not been the best solution, but me being the impatient person I was, was just trying to find the easiest solution to my problem of feeling incompetent and gave up.

Jelly bean hated me for some time after that, as she should. Because what I did was selfish, and I admit that now. We went through some drama after the breakup, as does every young relationship. Cheering at the same gym most definitely contributed to the drama, but through that drama, we grew as individuals and are now friends and in new relationships now.

I will forever appreciate her and the things I learned about myself and how my mind works. I’ve learned that not everything needs to be fixed and if something does need to be fixed it isn’t always my duty to fix it, I’ve learned to give things time and help when I can, and when I’m well enough to do so. I’ve learned patience, I can thank Jelly bean for that. I’m still learning, as does one every day throughout life.

Featured Image: “couple standing at beach” by { pranav } is licensed under CC BY 2.0