Unachievable Goals

My name is Gabby, but people like to call me the “Track God”. I have done track since my freshman year and I have gotten a lot of attention from my accomplishments in the sport. I have been interviewed at the track by a reporter three or four times, I have been scouted by colleges, I have received many ribbons, metals and varsity letters. To everyone I am a “Track God” but I have been fighting for a goal I had set for myself since freshman year; to win the state level triple jump. When I started track, I had joined as a quiet 15 year old. I knew how to run so I figured I was qualified to do a sport that just takes left turns. Although I was good at running, my coaches saw potential in me jumping. Immediately I picked it up. I was jumping, leaping and bounding past some of the best girls on my team. Once I had gotten the hang of it I was winning triple jump in every single one of my MVC meets. Not only was I winning, but the sport made me happy. I was achieving my goals every meet and I would always be improving on something. Not only was I a “little” freshman, I had also never done this sport before. States was a breeze as I had gotten 2nd and 3rd in Class C. To me, it was amazing to go in there and do so well without prior knowledge of the sport. 

Unfortunately, doing so well my freshman year had put my expectations extremely high. Coming back to track my junior year after having a year off due to COVID, I had high hopes to be a state champion for triple jump. The senior I had lost to was gone, so I was a top contender for the gold. I tried to pick the sport right back up where I left off, but I had no luck. All of a sudden I was multiple feet from my PR and I was getting shown up by a freshman on my own team. This hurt. Track was supposed to be my sport, an easy state individual win. I was not having fun on the track anymore, I felt as if I had gotten stuck in the mud and I could not fight my way out. As I practiced more my jumps were better, but not enough to win me first at states, I was once again second. Even though my 4×1 team had won states and my girls team had overall won states I was not happy. I had set my goal too high and I could only think about how I was not second to the winner, but I was the first loser. 

Just as my junior year, my senior year is still not going as well as I would hope. I have been what feels like miles away from my PR. I am not winning, instead I am losing to that same sophomore on my team. I know what I am capable of, it is long, beautiful jumps, but they are not falling into place. “Not good enough” is the word I repeat most on the track. Losing the small meets makes me discouraged and makes me lose a lot of motivation towards my goal of winning states. It felt like my goal was taunting me, and calling me to it, but everytime I would get close it would sprint off too fast for me to catch. I am so worried about winning states and living up to the “track God ” than any other accomplishments I could make in track. It does not matter if I get my all season PR it only matters what place I am in. In my head if I do not win states then doing track for the last few years will have been useless. 

An overstretched goal is what I had set for myself. Something that I thought would be easy enough to obtain, but is actually something that is far fetched and out of my control. I had gotten my heart set on winning states to prove to myself and others that I am good at track, but now that the time is coming I realize how irrelevant that goal was. I realize now that the reason I had thought I did so well my freshman year was because I was able to set small reachable goals for myself. Like to not foul any jumps or to keep my knee up on my second phase or even to add an extra foot to my jump. Each meet I would hit the goal or be extremely close, which would allow me to feel like I am good and it gave me motivation to keep going. But then I had made the goal to win states, I had no idea COVID would take a year from me, a girl that was going D1 would drop into my class and that athletic sophomore from my team would surpass me. My goal was unreachable because I could not control the circumstances around me. I should have kept my same small goals and worried about states when I get there, because all this losing and thinking I am not good enough is putting a strain on my performance. 

With this experience in track it has taught me that there is such a thing as dreaming too big. There is such a thing as an unachievable goal. And as we go off in life everyone tells us to dream big and to never stop setting high goals for ourselves, but I am telling you that it is okay to take a step back and enjoy the small goals before thinking of the big ones. I had set such a big goal for myself that I couldn’t enjoy track as it was anymore, it felt all about winning and losing.

People around me had appreciated track for what it was, but my goal had put a damper on my motivation and attitude for the sport. As we move on to our next levels, no matter if that’s entering the workforce, going to a university, trade school, or even taking a year off, we have to learn to enjoy the small goals that we are hitting. Everyone wants us to snap into adulthood the second we graduate; they want us to have our stuff together with a job, house, a family, but that’s an unrealistic goal. Instead of reaching for that all at once it should be small steps, little side journeys, adventures, lessons and everything else that will get us there eventually, but we can’t set one goal and just hope everything works out. These small goals are the ones that make us feel motivated and determined to get to our big goals when we are ready. I learned that chasing an unrealistic goal can turn something you love doing into something that doesn’t bring you happiness, so I hope that we can all find a balance when we move forward. 

“dreaming” by jared is licensed under CC BY 2.0.