The Outsider

For eight years, September through May was spent at a small private school three towns away from my home town. The idea of riding a school bus to and from school was unfamiliar to me , because I lived outside of the area where the busses would run. Every day my parents brought me to and from school. Education included attending church frequently and fund raising was a major part of student life. With a small student body, there were not many choices in friends. Everyone knew one another and there` was little diversity in ways such as race, religion, or ethnic background. My quaint, wholesome, and very structured student experience would turn upside down at the beginning of the next school year, as my parents were transferring me to public school in the fall, leaving me to feel like the outsider.

Suddenly my world changed in the 9th grade, when I was transferred to the public school system.

Entering public school was like a catipillar turning into a butterfly. The metamorphasis I experienced during this transition was life changing. I could never have guessed how much I would change both socially and emotionally. Overwhelming feelings of excitement filled my mind like a kid in a candy store. Mixed in with all of the excitement was a sense of loneliness. I no longer knew everyone. I had to work to fit in. Some students were not welcoming and I remember feeling missing the life I knew. It was easy, simple, and I did not have to work at it so hard. I knew I was not going back to private school. I had to shed my skin permanantely and embrace what was ahead.

The student body was tripple the size. Classrooms went from 11 students to 18 or more. There were students of different religions, race, and ethic backgrounds. There was no talk of prayer or daily plans for fund raising to help pay for extra cirricular programs. With each passing week I began to feel more like the others, but still wondered how my old friends were doing.

The big yellow bus was only a treat that was enjoyed for sports at the private school. Now the bus passed my house and I began to ride it to and from school! The bus was just another part of public school where I felt like an outsider at first. I learned pretty quickly that the back of the bus was where the popular kids would sit. Eventually, like other parts of the student life, I grew to feel more comfortable riding the bus.

Years have passed since my transition from private to public school, but there is not a day that passes when I don’t wonder what my experience might have been like, had I remained. I no longer keep in touch with any of my old friends and prayer and fundraising are no longer things I participate in regularly. I no longer feel like an outsider in these ways.

“Feeling alone” by Shawn Harquail is licensed under CC BY-NC 2.0.