The Hardest Lesson

Hello, and thank you all for coming. I am pleased to see all of the families that have gathered here today, to support their child, grandchild, niece or nephew, or whoever they might be to you. Today, I would like to share one of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn. But first I want to say thank you. Thank you to my mom, for all the support you’ve given me. Thank you to my unbiological mom and (not legally) adoptive father, for being there when my mom couldn’t be. And thank you to my biological father for teaching me this lesson I’m about to share. 

And one more thing. I do not think I’m better than you. I do not think I’ve learned more than you. Matter of fact, I was failing up until yesterday, so yeah.

Anywho, we all have family here tonight. So I’m going to ask all of the moms, dads, grandmas, grandpas, and everyone else that is not a graduating student to cover their ears for a second. Come on now, just for a second, I promise. (whisper) Sometimes family sucks. Okay, everyone can unplug your ears now. What I mean by this, is that although they can be our closest friend, supporter, and confidant, they can also be the complete opposite.

To explain what I mean by this, I am going to share a personal story. This story is true and not easy for me to share, but I felt it important that you hear what I had to learn. My biological father is verbally and emotionally abusive. He is manipulative and controlling. He would get mad at me for saying that I was unhappy in the relationship, and tell me that I was not allowed to see my sister until I apologized for how I felt. Along with many other things that happened, that I am not quite ready to share with my peers.

The only people that I could talk to about my problems were my mom and grandparents. Every time I would try to talk to other family members or friends, they would tell me “He’s your father. There’s nothing you can do”. I always thought that because he’s my father, I just needed to put up with it. 

I suffered from his abuse for seventeen years. After seeing myself go down a very dark hole, I no longer recognized the person I had become . I was a completely different person than I had been a few years earlier, and not in a good way. I decided that I didn’t like this person, and wanted better for myself. 

On April 18, 2022, at 5:57 pm, I told my father that I could no longer have a relationship with him. After, I only told my mom, grandparents, and best friend. I did not tell anyone else in my family. Soon enough, I started getting asked by family and friends why I was no longer posting pictures on Facebook with my sister. I would explain to them that I chose to end the relationship and almost everyone was disappointed in me. Seriously, I can count on one hand how many people supported my decision. Everyone said that I was wrong and that I needed to forgive him. They said that my sister needs me so I need to have a relationship with him again for her sake.

Here’s the thing. I love my father, I always will. But just because he is my father does not mean that he has the right to abuse me. Blood does not give you the right to hurt me, physically, emotionally, or mentally. Blood does not mean that you have a right to be a part of my life. 

I am so thankful that I chose to end the relationship. I was able to dig myself out of that hole and become the person that I want to be (mostly, I am still working on a few things). I am so much happier without him in my life. Of course I miss my sister, but I know that she will be okay. And I am working on forgiving him. Some things, I have forgiven him already, but other things are taking me longer to forgive. 

What I want you to take away from this, is that if someone is hurting you (in any way shape or form) or holding you back from your fullest potential, you have every right to walk away from a relationship with them, no matter who they are. You need to do what is best for you, your health, and your happiness, not what is best for them. 

Now go. Go become the person you want to be, and create the life you dream to have. I wish the best for all of you! Thank you!

Photo credit goes to “graduation” by Sean MacEntee is licensed under CC BY 2.0.