First Impressions Based on Facial Hair
May 28, 2014 Shenanigans 3 comments ckeene14
Growing hair on your face is seen as a rite of passage to any male entering his late teens. Growing your first beard is just one more step on the road to manliness. Be warned though, some types of facial hair may give strangers the wrong impression. Here is a list I’ve compiled of notable beard and mustache styles and my first impressions based on said facial hair.
1.) The Full Beard – You are either so proud of your beard that you want it to be the first thing people see when they look at you, or you have completely given up on your outward appearance and shaving no longer crosses your mind.
2.) The Goatee – You’re the kind of guy who’s looking for the feel of a beard, but aren’t totally committed to having one. You probably play your fair share of acoustic guitar and may or may not be in a country band.
3.) The 5 O’Clock Shadow – You’re looking for the tough and rugged feel of a beard, but don’t want all that hair to conceal your “good looks.”
4.) Mutton Chops – You are the kind of person who is really into the idea of a beard, but too afraid to run the risk of having food or drink dribble down into it.
5.) Neckbeard – You are the kind of person who lives in someone’s basement, mooching off of your parents to fund your severe World of Warcraft addiction. Your diet consists mainly of Mountain Dew and Doritos.
6.) The Basic Mustache – You are most likely the kind of individual who owns an awfully suspicious white utility van, always has his shirt tucked in, and is not allowed anywhere near a public school building.
7.) The Copstache – You are either a policeman, or someone who still wears jean shorts and really, really wishes it was the 80’s.
8.) Horseshoe Mustache – You are 100% committed to being the most intense dude around. You more than likely own a Harley, and multiple pairs of aviator sunglasses. You prefer your shirts to be sleeveless and adorning American flags.
9.) Hitler Mustache – You are either an extreme fascist, or the most dedicated hipster in the world- willing to make literally everyone you meet hate you for the sake of being unique.
*Let it be known that this was not meant to offend anyone, but only to poke fun at the negative connotations linked to these beard and mustache styles. Don’t let this stop you from growing some righteous facial hair.
3 Comments
HAHAHAHAHA I totally know someone with a weird neck beard and guess what…..he lives with his parents, works at McDonald’s, and has a huge World of Warcraft addiction. This post is hilarious, and perfect.
I feel like this topic, even though being more specific to beards, has a much more broad topic on judging people itself. You could replace with jobs and having tattoos and/or piercings. Would I be correct in saying this?
I couldn’t help but laugh at the fact that every example you gave fit everyone that has that type of beard perfectly. It may be biased but true. I guess your beard really can define you as a person as well as the people you hangout with.