Post Mortem #2

Gogol experiences adulthood and his identity. It talks about his relationship with Maxine, a free-spirited woman who represents a life far removed from his parents’ Bengali traditions. He becomes involved in her wealth, bohemian lifestyle, spending most of his time at her family’s nice home, where he feels accepted in a way he never has before. This relationship symbolizes his desire to detach himself from his family’s expectations and find his own identity and Gogol starts feeling disconnected from his parents, pointing out the cultural gap between them. when Ashoke dies, Gogol’s father. The tragedy forces Gogol to confront his heritage and the life he’s distanced himself from. The grieving process brings him closer to his family and causes strain in his relationship with Maxine, ultimately leading to their breakup.  Gogol seeks solace in his roots, gradually embracing his family’s traditions and growing closer to his mother and sister. He begins dating Moushumi, a fellow Bengali American, and their shared cultural background offers a comforting familiarity. Gogol’s struggle with identity is unavodable throughout these chapters, as he attempts to restore his connection with his dual cultural heritage. As Lahiri writes, “Without people around to remind him constantly of his heritage, he feels free to shed it completely” (Lahiri, 155). 

In the ted talk What marrying an immigrant taught me about cultural bias by Kyle Quinn. He talks about small little micro biases that immigrants deal with in day to day life after marrying one. He even talks about how his family does it without even trying. “Even my family and I have made culturally insensitive comments towards Isabelle and we're talking about people who love my wife--who would do anything for her”.

In my book, Born A Crime by Trevor Noah, the author, Trevor, is born in South Africa, where laws make biracial relations illegal and limit the rights of native Africans there, regardless, Trevor's mother decides to conceive him with a white man, and because white people and black people can't be seen together in a relationship, Trevor barely gets to see his father, and due to his absence and lack of a father figure in Trevor's life, and the mother son dynamic becomes exaggerated, It leads to him having a long mental battle with himself on what category of race and society he falls into. ¨These little lessons were always about grown up relationships, funnily enough. She was so preoccupied with teaching me how to be a man that she never taught me how to be a boy. How to talk to a girl or pass a girl a note in class--there was none of that. She only told me about adult things. She would even lecture me about sex. As i was a kid, that was very awkward.¨ (Noah, 127) this quote shows what not having a father figure in his life affected him regarding loving relationships.

In the TED Talk “The need for family reunification- to make families whole again¨ By Elizabeth Zion the speaker discussed the affects of immigration and how when a family member isnt allowed entry when the family is actively immigrating there, it can affect a childs relationship and memory of that relative. ¨I remember a time, when I was about seven years old, and I had been tucked into bed by my mom, and I had a sudden realization that I couldn’t remember what my father even looked like anymore. I began to cry to her, as it felt like the waves of time had wiped away his image from my mind. My memories of him consisted of pictures and her stories of him for the longest time. And now that my siblings and I are all grown up, I hear him lamenting to my mother over the phone about just how much he’s missed out on. It deeply pains him that he doesn’t know life with his daughters as women and his sons as men.¨

In my book Americanized, by Sara SaedI. She talks about being naive when her family moved, not knowing they could easily be kicked out, as time went on the government knew they were there, and Sara started getting made fun of during her time in high school because of how she looked. As time passed her mom got pregnant and they got a brother, her parents got a divorce so Sara and her sister could get a green card more easily by her grandmother. Sara felt very guilty for having her parents divorce for them, they didn't have to worry about their son much because he was born there. She had to take care of him most of the time, she felt overwhelmed with not being there legally and her parents being gone. They later had to move somewhere else because they were having financial problems, once that got solved their green cards were gonna work out, so her parents get remarried. Years pass, but in her twenties she works on filling out her immigration paperwork, and after some difficulty, succeeds in becoming an American. She then is able to marry her boyfriend.

In the ted talk “The need for family reunification - to make families whole again” By Elizabeth Zion. Talks about how families shouldn’t be separated if they don't want to be, how having contact with family is crucial for people to have, how having your whole family with you gives you support. “And I’m certain we would have escaped experiencing homelessness if my father was here.” I think immigrant children need to move away at some point from their parents and figure out how to do things on their own, but also go and check up on their parents and help them like they helped their kids.

In Jhumpa Lahiri's The Namesake, Gogol is now in college, he legally changed his name to Nikhil. He graduated with an architect degree. Has two long term girlfriends, the first one was during college and that fell through, and the second one was during his full time job. With Maxxine he learns how different their families are and how comfortable and talkative Maxxine’s family is compared to his own. His father dies and he realises that he wants to stay with his father, to stay with his family.  A way that Gogol moves away from his family is when he is on vacation with Max comparing how different his family is and how they could never do what Max’s family does, “Yet he cannot picture his family occupying a house like this, playing board games on rainy afternoons, watching shooting stars at night, all their relatives gathered neatly on a small strip of sand. It is an impulse his parents have never felt, this need to be so far from things”(Lahiri, 155).

 In Elizabeth Camarillo Gutierrez’s speech,What’s missing from the American immigrant narrative, it talks about her success and how she has survived on her own when her parents were deported. Elizabeth thought that going to Mexico with her parents would tarnish what they had come to America for, "opportunity,“And during this same time, I wondered if going back would be validating my parents' sacrifices. And so I somehow convinced my parents to let me stay, without being able to guarantee them that I'd find somewhere to live or that I'd be OK”(Gutierrez, 4).

I feel that the children of immigrants need to move away from their parents when it helps them move forward in life as sometimes their family;s cultures or opinions will cause them to sacrifice their opportunities. They might have to support their families through grief or help them understand how or what to do in America as they may not understand as much as someone who has grown up in the States.

Out Of Nowhere by Maria Padian is about a high school senior named Tom Bouchard who befriends a Somali refugee named Yusuf. Over time Tom begins to notice just how hard life is for Yusuf as he tries to adapt to a new country. Yusuf faced many problems like he was very good at soccer which eventually caused the other teams coach to question his age and get his eligibility questioned, a picture of his sister hugging tom was used to cyberbully her, and he had to learn how to properly read,write, and speak in English. This book doesnt mention much at all about parent experiences and feelings but there are instances where the kids have to help there parents because of how they are bale to understand more English than them or can read/write. “my mother does not know how to write her own name. But I will write for her on these lines, and she will put her mark, and that is good, I think” (Padian 18) this helps to show how sometimes they have to help out with things like writing.

The Ted Talk “What’s Missing from the American Immigrant Narrative” (Elizabeth Camarillo Gutierez) talks about Elizabeth’s childhood. When she was 15 years old her parents ended up moving back to Mexico because for immigrants, America is set up for them to have low paying jobs and immigrants are forced to strive for survival instead of success. “I mean, were my parents’ sacrifices not enough? Was the fact that my dad came home from the metal factory covered in corrosive dust, was that not super.”(Gutiereze) After her parents left she was put in this position and was just trying to survive in America having to work very hard to get anywhere. In America the effort put in by immigrants is overlooked and under appreciated.

these are connected by showing the contrast of having to help parents versus having to understand how they feel. Having to help with things like writing puts them out of their way but not by much, while having to know how they feel and being put in a similar situation can change your whole perspective on your life and future. The kids of immigrants need to break off from their parents beliefs and having to help them or else they will be held back in life further than how they are already given a bad hand.