Post Mortem #2

Gogol experiences adulthood and his identity. It talks about his relationship with Maxine, a free-spirited woman who represents a life far removed from his parents’ Bengali traditions. He becomes involved in her wealth, bohemian lifestyle, spending most of his time at her family’s nice home, where he feels accepted in a way he never has before. This relationship symbolizes his desire to detach himself from his family’s expectations and find his own identity and Gogol starts feeling disconnected from his parents, pointing out the cultural gap between them. when Ashoke dies, Gogol’s father. The tragedy forces Gogol to confront his heritage and the life he’s distanced himself from. The grieving process brings him closer to his family and causes strain in his relationship with Maxine, ultimately leading to their breakup.  Gogol seeks solace in his roots, gradually embracing his family’s traditions and growing closer to his mother and sister. He begins dating Moushumi, a fellow Bengali American, and their shared cultural background offers a comforting familiarity. Gogol’s struggle with identity is unavodable throughout these chapters, as he attempts to restore his connection with his dual cultural heritage. As Lahiri writes, “Without people around to remind him constantly of his heritage, he feels free to shed it completely” (Lahiri, 155). 

In the ted talk What marrying an immigrant taught me about cultural bias by Kyle Quinn. He talks about small little micro biases that immigrants deal with in day to day life after marrying one. He even talks about how his family does it without even trying. “Even my family and I have made culturally insensitive comments towards Isabelle and we're talking about people who love my wife--who would do anything for her”.

In my book, Born A Crime by Trevor Noah, the author, Trevor, is born in South Africa, where laws make biracial relations illegal and limit the rights of native Africans there, regardless, Trevor's mother decides to conceive him with a white man, and because white people and black people can't be seen together in a relationship, Trevor barely gets to see his father, and due to his absence and lack of a father figure in Trevor's life, and the mother son dynamic becomes exaggerated, It leads to him having a long mental battle with himself on what category of race and society he falls into. ¨These little lessons were always about grown up relationships, funnily enough. She was so preoccupied with teaching me how to be a man that she never taught me how to be a boy. How to talk to a girl or pass a girl a note in class--there was none of that. She only told me about adult things. She would even lecture me about sex. As i was a kid, that was very awkward.¨ (Noah, 127) this quote shows what not having a father figure in his life affected him regarding loving relationships.

In the TED Talk “The need for family reunification- to make families whole again¨ By Elizabeth Zion the speaker discussed the affects of immigration and how when a family member isnt allowed entry when the family is actively immigrating there, it can affect a childs relationship and memory of that relative. ¨I remember a time, when I was about seven years old, and I had been tucked into bed by my mom, and I had a sudden realization that I couldn’t remember what my father even looked like anymore. I began to cry to her, as it felt like the waves of time had wiped away his image from my mind. My memories of him consisted of pictures and her stories of him for the longest time. And now that my siblings and I are all grown up, I hear him lamenting to my mother over the phone about just how much he’s missed out on. It deeply pains him that he doesn’t know life with his daughters as women and his sons as men.¨

In my book Americanized, by Sara SaedI. She talks about being naive when her family moved, not knowing they could easily be kicked out, as time went on the government knew they were there, and Sara started getting made fun of during her time in high school because of how she looked. As time passed her mom got pregnant and they got a brother, her parents got a divorce so Sara and her sister could get a green card more easily by her grandmother. Sara felt very guilty for having her parents divorce for them, they didn't have to worry about their son much because he was born there. She had to take care of him most of the time, she felt overwhelmed with not being there legally and her parents being gone. They later had to move somewhere else because they were having financial problems, once that got solved their green cards were gonna work out, so her parents get remarried. Years pass, but in her twenties she works on filling out her immigration paperwork, and after some difficulty, succeeds in becoming an American. She then is able to marry her boyfriend.

In the ted talk “The need for family reunification - to make families whole again” By Elizabeth Zion. Talks about how families shouldn’t be separated if they don't want to be, how having contact with family is crucial for people to have, how having your whole family with you gives you support. “And I’m certain we would have escaped experiencing homelessness if my father was here.” I think immigrant children need to move away at some point from their parents and figure out how to do things on their own, but also go and check up on their parents and help them like they helped their kids.

In Jhumpa Lahiri's The Namesake, Gogol is now in college, he legally changed his name to Nikhil. He graduated with an architect degree. Has two long term girlfriends, the first one was during college and that fell through, and the second one was during his full time job. With Maxxine he learns how different their families are and how comfortable and talkative Maxxine’s family is compared to his own. His father dies and he realises that he wants to stay with his father, to stay with his family.  A way that Gogol moves away from his family is when he is on vacation with Max comparing how different his family is and how they could never do what Max’s family does, “Yet he cannot picture his family occupying a house like this, playing board games on rainy afternoons, watching shooting stars at night, all their relatives gathered neatly on a small strip of sand. It is an impulse his parents have never felt, this need to be so far from things”(Lahiri, 155).

 In Elizabeth Camarillo Gutierrez’s speech,What’s missing from the American immigrant narrative, it talks about her success and how she has survived on her own when her parents were deported. Elizabeth thought that going to Mexico with her parents would tarnish what they had come to America for, "opportunity,“And during this same time, I wondered if going back would be validating my parents' sacrifices. And so I somehow convinced my parents to let me stay, without being able to guarantee them that I'd find somewhere to live or that I'd be OK”(Gutierrez, 4).

I feel that the children of immigrants need to move away from their parents when it helps them move forward in life as sometimes their family;s cultures or opinions will cause them to sacrifice their opportunities. They might have to support their families through grief or help them understand how or what to do in America as they may not understand as much as someone who has grown up in the States.

Out Of Nowhere by Maria Padian is about a high school senior named Tom Bouchard who befriends a Somali refugee named Yusuf. Over time Tom begins to notice just how hard life is for Yusuf as he tries to adapt to a new country. Yusuf faced many problems like he was very good at soccer which eventually caused the other teams coach to question his age and get his eligibility questioned, a picture of his sister hugging tom was used to cyberbully her, and he had to learn how to properly read,write, and speak in English. This book doesnt mention much at all about parent experiences and feelings but there are instances where the kids have to help there parents because of how they are bale to understand more English than them or can read/write. “my mother does not know how to write her own name. But I will write for her on these lines, and she will put her mark, and that is good, I think” (Padian 18) this helps to show how sometimes they have to help out with things like writing.

The Ted Talk “What’s Missing from the American Immigrant Narrative” (Elizabeth Camarillo Gutierez) talks about Elizabeth’s childhood. When she was 15 years old her parents ended up moving back to Mexico because for immigrants, America is set up for them to have low paying jobs and immigrants are forced to strive for survival instead of success. “I mean, were my parents’ sacrifices not enough? Was the fact that my dad came home from the metal factory covered in corrosive dust, was that not super.”(Gutiereze) After her parents left she was put in this position and was just trying to survive in America having to work very hard to get anywhere. In America the effort put in by immigrants is overlooked and under appreciated.

these are connected by showing the contrast of having to help parents versus having to understand how they feel. Having to help with things like writing puts them out of their way but not by much, while having to know how they feel and being put in a similar situation can change your whole perspective on your life and future. The kids of immigrants need to break off from their parents beliefs and having to help them or else they will be held back in life further than how they are already given a bad hand.

In Out of Nowhere by Maria Padian towards the middle of the book, Tom becomes more involved with Somali refugee teammates,and learns more about Saeed and his community and begins to realize their struggles including racism, language barriers , and expectations. Tom's relationships with his friends and girlfriend become strained due to him seeing the world differently, tensions rise on and off the field with the Somalis and the rest of the town. An example of Saeed experiencing expectations is when his family prioritizes responsibilities ,”Saeed just shrugs. My uncle says soccer is a waste of time. He says I should get a job.”(Page 18 Padian). This related to “Why children of immigrants experience guilt -- and strategies to cope” – Sahaj Kaur Kohli , which is about an immigrant mental health therapist talking about mental health issues in immigrants, specifically children, and talks about the relationship between children of immigrant parents from the west experiencing guilt.”often this expectation to make our immigrant parents sacrifices and choices for coming to this country worth it.” (page 1 kohli)

I think there is an extent to which children of immigrant parents should separate themselves from their parents' feelings and experience, However it's probably not that easy to settle things with their parents because of how adamant they are about their feelings. 

In “The Need for Family Reunification- To Make Families Whole Again” Elizabeth Zion’s mother left Nigeria with her 4 older siblings while pregnant with Elizabeth to avoid religious prosecution. She was accepted into Ireland after trying to get into many other countries but the father was not. The family struggled living in Ireland without their father who would have been a big emotional support. They experienced homelessness for 7 months and for both parents it was impossible to balance and be for all stages of the 5 children's lives. She talks about how family separation is a big global issue that needs to be addressed. It would have made a huge impact to have the support of Elizabeth’s father, “None of us would have ever been left staring into a crowd of parents, disappointed that our own parents, our biggest supporters, couldn’t be there. And I’m certain we would have escaped experiencing homelessness if my father was here” (Zion). If he was there they would have a more stable life and they would have better access to more resources.

 Kimberly Chang and her mother move to the United States from Hong Kong to avoid political tension, with the help of Aunt Paula. Paula turns out to be jealous of their successes, trying to keep them in a lower position than her. Paula gives Ma a factory job and Kim helps because their pay is not enough to support them. Kim has a merit scholarship because she excels in school to a private school, where she goes with her best friend Annette that has helped her since day one. She hopes to make more friends and fit in. In order to fit in with American teenagers, Kim began changing her behaviours leaving behind some morals that she shared with her mother. She went as far as protecting a classmate and not telling the truth when the consequences could result in the loss of her scholarship. Kim keeps issues she has at school from her mother and bestfriend being scared of their judgement,“The whole experience made me feel ill and I was not at all sure I had handled it right. Most of all I was embarrassed and disgusted at myself for thinking Tammy might pass me a note” (Kwok 160). Instead of vouching for herself and telling the truth, she takes the blame for possessing another students cheat sheet and just barely avoids punishment.

For Elizabeth, her family would have had an easier time assimilating if they had the support of a present father, who could provide for their economic and social needs. But for Kim she felt she needed to keep information from her mother who held different beliefs, either for the reason of not wanting to disappoint her mother or avoiding reparations.

In the Ted talk by Sahaj Kaur Kohli she describes how children of immigrants have to ¨strattle¨ both cultures. The students are more educated about culture then most of their parents weren't shown culture like they are. So when they immigrate into the United states the children have a responsibility, to learn the culture and language at school, to help their parents out because they don´t know as much about America. Kohli explains how difficult their situation is and they all have problems from their past that affect them to this day.¨A lot of children of immigrants and alot of people in this country think of feelings as good or bad... And i really want to encourage you to question that narrative . You know two things can be true at the same time. ¨ (Kohli) This quote explains the problems immigrants go through.

In my book The Brief wondrous life of Oscar Wao it starts out with a low class family with Oscar his sister Lola and Mother Beli living in the Dominican Republic. Their mother was against the immigration ideas even though it was very popular for their country at the time. Eventually Oscars sister leaves the country to go to the United states and pursue her education. Shortly after Oscars Mother was agreeing with him she said he can head off to Rutgers New Brunswick University to study with his sister. Before they left for University there was trouble in the Dominican Republic . In their country now there was great danger from Trujilloś men that the safest place to be for her is New York. ¨ You have to send her to Nueva York. I have it on great authority that it is the only way.¨(Diaz 157) This quote explains how dangerous it was in her country that even their mom who didn't want them to immigrate knows its the safest option for them.

The challenge for Oscarś mom during her immigration process was the great danger she was in because of Trujillo's men. With her immigrating to the U.S. for her safety it leaves her with almost nothing and struggling to live on her own.